Moving forward with my life

[cbtdad]

Ok. So W isn't coming home tonight. She has decided to stay another night with OM. At least the lying about it for now has stopped.
She called me about 20 mins ago and said she would be at my apartment by 630am to pick up son. I said can you at least be honest with me about OM beig there. She said he wasn't there, but since she decided to stay that she called him and he is on his way. At that point I asked if they were in a R and she said I guess. I said thanks for being honest about it finally. I asked a couple questions about things I had guessed about before and she came clean to it all. She said it did start at end of January just as I thought.
She said she couldn't believe I wasn't upset and angry and it just seemed awkward. I told her that I already knew most of it and that it was the lying that was upsetting me the most. As well as the putting things in front of our son.
I reminded her that I have never waivered from saying I would try to make our M work by going to MC or doing something else, but just as I told her Friday as long as she is involved with someone that obviously can't happen.
I also told her I'm not sure in want that anymore or if it actually could work because I'm unsure if i could ever trust again.
I feel relieved right now and I'm not sure why. I'm sure I will go trough a roller coaster of emotions, but I will try my best to focus on me. That's what needs to be done anyways. I have a lot of work to do on me before I'm involved in a R again with my W or anyone else for that matter.
This will sure make it easier for minimal contact though. Lol

[T1000]

Ok. So W isn't coming home tonight. She has decided to stay another night with OM. At least the lying about it for now has stopped.
She called me about 20 mins ago and said she would be at my apartment by 630am to pick up son. I said can you at least be honest with me about OM beig there. She said he wasn't there, but since she decided to stay that she called him and he is on his way. At that point I asked if they were in a R and she said I guess. I said thanks for being honest about it finally. I asked a couple questions about things I had guessed about before and she came clean to it all. She said it did start at end of January just as I thought.
She said she couldn't believe I wasn't upset and angry and it just seemed awkward. I told her that I already knew most of it and that it was the lying that was upsetting me the most. As well as the putting things in front of our son.
I reminded her that I have never waivered from saying I would try to make our M work by going to MC or doing something else, but just as I told her Friday as long as she is involved with someone that obviously can't happen.
I also told her I'm not sure in want that anymore or if it actually could work because I'm unsure if i could ever trust again.
I feel relieved right now and I'm not sure why. I'm sure I will go trough a roller coaster of emotions, but I will try my best to focus on me. That's what needs to be done anyways. I have a lot of work to do on me before I'm involved in a R again with my W or anyone else for that matter.
This will sure make it easier for minimal contact though. Lol

I felt like I was getting to that place after my W said she was dating. Back on the roller coaster lately though.

I have found that when you know where you stand and you get to state your position you will start to focus on your life not W.
You will go up and down emotionally. Using DB as guide you will become a better person and more attractive. You are in a good place whether W ever changes her mind or not.

Embrace the current relief, do something for yourself.

[Accuray]

It looks like yesterday she was texting you a lot for emotional support. Did you set a boundary there or what will you do next time she does that?

[cbtdad]

I did not set a boundary there yet. She is actually laying in my bed right now with our son. We talked for about 5 minutes outside before that.
I asked her if she felt better now that this is out in the open.
She said not really, she says she is still confused and unsure of things and she says she really needs to sit down and reelvauate her life.
I said i understand and that she needs to figure what makes her happy.
I told her I've done that for a while now and the one thing I do know is that I need to fix myself and work on me before I committ to any relationship whether that's back with her or something totally new.
She said that that's something she probably needs to do as well.
She asked about S and I weekend and I filled her in. We did a lot.
She said she hating hearing about us having fun without her. Told her that's why it seems like she needs to figure out what she wants

[jp787]

cbt, I think your doing amazing considering all that you have just been through.

I would suggest moving forward with the little contact rule you talked about and set some boundaries as acc mentioned.

I have been reading your thread AND responses as they are helping me also...

I also need to set boundaries, wow is that a tough one!!! One of my 180's is being there for my W, able to listen and not try to fix, yet it pulls me in and makes it hard for me to not focus on her. Anyways...

I think your little contact rule is a great idea.

Keep smiling, positive, enjoying that little boys of yours and GAL.

Keep moving forward!

[cbtdad]

Thanks JP!
Thats the goal. I am feeling actually very good today. Its interesting. The fact that she is finally open about it seems to take off a weight. She just texted me and said that she would like to talk to me tlater today. I told her that I have no problem talking about her or our son, but I do not want to discuss "us" at this point. She said she understands and thats fine.

[Jeack]

Hey C, not much advice to give. But you seem to be handling things well. Only advice I can give about the contact is one day at a time not 30 days. Trust me I'm not even a week in yet and it [censored]. I honestly think my W enjoys me to calling or contacting and she still won't admit her PA

[Accuray]

cbtdad,

I wouldn't be willing to talk about her either, just your son. Don't be her emotional crutch.

Accuray

[cbtdad]

Im not going to be Accuray. Today during this talk will be the boundary pount. If she talks about wanting to go see an IC or something to that effect, I will listen and give my opinion.
If she just wants to talk about her emotional well being and things like that. I will validate and then politely put up some "walls"
Any thoughts on some good wording?

[uRworthy]

Hey C, you are doing well, that's good.

Not sure why you or she, for the matter, would want to talk about her emotional well being. That's her stuff.

She asked for this, she has an om, now I think it's time for her to figure herself out without you as her sounding board or go to guy.

There is no reason to be nasty or cold, but, I think it's time to leave her to it and time for you to start really living your life, ya know?