7 months since BD and not sure where to go next

[Accuray]

AM2012, I saw your post on the SSM forum. I am back together with my W after an SSM drove us apart, to answer your question.

Reading your sitch, what comes through to me is two things: (1) Your H really wants to reconcile with you, but he is scared as hell of getting hurt again. All the other stuff he's saying that is hurting your feelings, like only being in it for the kids, is just "blah blah blah" and you should ignore it. The bottom line is that he's scared of jumping in the deep end and ending up there all alone like before. He feels if he goes through that again it will kill him, so he's being extremely careful with his emotions.

(2) You two are caught up in a game of chicken where neither of you wants to "hard commit", you each want conditions to be perfect before you give it your all, or maybe if you take a half step forward, you want to see him take a half step too before you'll take another half step. When he doesn't move forward you move back.

Here are my questions for you:

(1) Are you two having sex?

(2) Have you offered to have sex directly, and if so, what did he say?

If you both want things to work, then being sexual is going to help, despite what he's saying. Give me some more info on your sex life and maybe I can help you get past his fear.

Accuray