Plan B

[jp787]

Thanks folks. I appreciate the support, and I hope this ends up as a success story. Lots of work to be done and some of it is difficult.

Do you think that now will be the hardest part??

Yeah, I do think it's the toughest right now. There's so many difficult topics that are at their peak right now:

- trust is extremely low for both of us
- W is mourning the loss of her affair
- W still has all the pain and hurt that was keeping her from trying up until now
- I still don't think W has forgiven me for past mistakes
- W is very insecure right now
- I had started hanging out with a woman friend for GAL which my W is all over and upset about
- W is very concerned about how my family will treat her going forward
- W still thinks she loves OM (she'd say, she's not sure she doesn't)

We've talked thru boundaries and quite a bit about the affair. W seems pretty open about it and seems onboard with the boundaries. Sometimes I think she owns the affair, and sometimes I think she doesn't, so we'll see how that progresses. She seems to be doing pretty good with no contact on OM now, but when the wound isn't raw, I worry that she'll open up to it again.

My biggest concern is that we don't fully address all the issues. I don't want to just slide this under the rug and pretend everything is great. We've done that time and time again over the last 15 years. This time, I want to work on it, address the brokenness, and come out on the other side stronger and better....I'm still not sure she's ready to do the work.

BD, I think this is a great "step" in the right direction. You seem to have a good grasp on what where you are at.

My 2 cents would be to keep your perspective, keep from diving in and stay on the edge of the pool, tip your toes in little by little and by no means take off your DB life preserver!

What a great turn for you two. What a great opportunity. What great challenges lay ahead. You can do this!!!