As a WAW, yes, I grieved the death of my marriage. I still do. We have been separated almost 2 months and it still hurts. I think a LBS could increase their odds of reconciliation if they tried really hard to do more listening and less talking. I know that sounds selfish but hear me out ...

For me (and most WAS) we have tried to have our needs understood and met for years. In addition to telling you that we want a better marriage, We have tried some or all of the following:
1). Guessing what our spouse wanted and trying to meet that need, with the logic of "Maybe the reason he doesn't want to touch me or talk to me is because HIS needs aren't being met? He can't give back to the marriage if he isn't getting enough out of it." So we redouble our efforts to do/be what we think you want.

2). We tried to pare back our needs to the bare minimum. In my head, I think of this as The 800 calorie/day Diet. This is where we try to do as much as we can for ourselves and only request the things we cannot do on our own (we do the yard work or most of the parenting or all of the cooking/cleaning/etc). We think that if we only ask for a few things we will seem less needy and you will recognize how hard we work - so you will want to do things with/for us.

3). We try to accept the marriage as it is and chastise ourselves for wanting to feel love, passion, or emotional connection. We argue with ourselves that since our spouse didn't engage in abuse, adultery, or addiction we have no right to end the marriage. We chip away at ourselves and tell ourselves that it isWRONG to need more from our marriage than we are getting today - that we have no right to want a partner, a sex life, or a friendship with our spouse.

We may have tried therapy with you and/or separately from you.

But the big thing is that many of us WAS have been trying to get you to listen to us and when that didn't work we tried to ignore or push down our own needs. We tried to deny we even HAVE needs and after we leave (or make you leave) we finally start listening to ourselves again and listening to our needs. It feels GOOD to acknowledge that we have needs and we aren't crazy to want these things. Whenever we see the LBS, we are reminded of the time when we couldn't even admit we wanted more out of life and how much it hurt to try so hard to be what you wanted ... And never succeed enough that you would pay attention.

In reality, you (LBS) probably were going thru your own struggle and trying to have your needs met. We were like two blind people communicating only thru mime. But it's hard to see that, and even when you do see it, it's hard to believe you and the LBS can communicate any better. If you want to change that - you need to LISTEN without defending. You need to ask open questions and ask more and more of them. You need the WAS to feel heard and understood and accepted and believed. And you need to really think about the situation from both perspectives (yours and theirs) so that when you talk, the WAS can hear that you really have grown in your understanding of what went wrong and what might fix it again.