"I Love you but love her too"....WHAT?

[Notlikingthis]

Snodderly, thanks for linking the other thread here.

What I can't get my head around is why he is being so upfront about his feelings. Well, his current MLC feelings. From most of the posts that I've read here the MLCer keeps their affair a secret as much as possible and shares very little with their W or H about how they feel. Is he trying to justify or keep the guilt that he feels to a minimum? As if to say, I'm being honest with you so it's okay that I'm having an affair? And then to further justify it when I don't respond in the normal way that any wife or husband would. The normal response would be to say, "then make a decision" her or me. Everyone here knows why I wouldn't say that but he doesn't. I guess I'm trying to overthink this, it's one of my biggest faults.

While I hate the idea of her moving in with him should he decide to move out, I like the idea for the reasons that you stated and for a little peace for myself. I know this woman and I know how annoying she is and would be 24/7!! Under normal circumstances, he wouldn't tolerate her for more than 10 minutes. You're absolutely right, she's what he thinks is a fantasy and I'm sure he believes that she's his soulmate. I know that she isn't and it doesn't bother me that he thinks she is. What does bother me is that the town we live in is pretty small. If you've ever lived in a small town you know how news travels. I don't want pity or sympathy from anyone and most of all I don't want to have to answer any questions. I was hoping to keep this as quiet as possible so that family and friends wouldn't form opinions or take sides or whatever happens when people have affairs or problems in their marriage. I don't want advice from anyone that isn't on this board!

I'm still keeping an eye on the money for sure and if I start to see unusual activity, I will react immediately. He's talking about buying rather than renting. It's an idea that we had last year before this all happened. Buying a house to use as supplemental income. It wouldn't be supplemental income if he were to live in so I'm not sure how to handle that either. I've already checked out the laws in my state. If he wants to buy something with "our" money, he can do it without my permission but it stays as community property even if it's in his name only.

This is getting too complicated for my tired and weary brain. I'm going to find a good comedy and pop it in the DVD player now. Thanks for stopping by with your words of wisdom. I truly appreciate it.