I just went back and skimmed through some of your ealier threads and I can say that you deserve a MEDAL!!
Maybe this isn't pure DB speak, but....
When all is said and done, it seems H is enjoying the luxury of taking a year out from his responsibilities, while you are getting taken to task for ploughing on regardless, and on top of that having to mind YOUR ps and qs????
Here, have another bunch of flowers from me!!!
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
Betsey, You'e the greatest. Well, don't be mad, but I have to give some of that to Meredith too, so I guess you're one half of the greatest! I'm so happy for you that you received those flowers. Betsey, I don't know if he is a regular flower-sender, but that requires so much thought, so I'm thinking your talk really must have hit home. Good for you! PMA, back up! XOXOXOXO
Dear Bets, I am thinking of you today. WOW, when you open up to a guy, you really open up! I am so proud of you for being able to say what you felt. And in a way I am proud of H for sending you flowers. BUT I still want to hit that jerk with a major 2 x 6....I agree with above, his taking a year+ off while you hold down the fort is so irresponsible. It makes me sick.
Maybe you should tell him that you are pretty sure that June, 04 it becomres YOUR turn for a midlifecrises and you are planning on spending it in St.Barts.
Oh, yes, when left alone, I do tend to amuse myself in the strangest ways....honey, you've done so much more than the rest of us in trying to deal with an awful sitch. I respect you so much and hope that you will be rewarded with a wonderful marriage down the road. And if Mr. W. doesn't get his act together soon, there WILL be stalking and it WONT be the nice kind.
Flowers wow! I can't think of the last time I got flowers from my H - LOL!
Seems like some strong emotions all around the last few days on your thread. Have to say that I appreciated Cyclers post because the way she broke everything down gave me a chance to relate it to my own sitch and see if it was relevant.
Also, the post about P/A spouses struck me because my H abdicated many responsibilities around here and I stepped in to keep life going. Well, on his list of "things" are some of those exact items that he didn't participate in...what do you know? Is my WAH P/A and I didn't see it?
So while everyone debates whether any of these posts were too harsh, not harsh...whatever...they always serve a purpose. They help us understand ourselves a bit better don't they? And that is the reason we are all on the BB to begin with isn't it?
So thanks to all who have shared insights here because once again, I have learned something new which may help my own sitch in the long run.
Okay - how did the Medicaid meeting turn out?
Thanks again!
totite
"Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative..."
D6 has an earache, which is why she had to head to the doc's. She never complains when things hurt, so I know this one is a doozy. Pediatrician confirmed that.
She's one miserable kid.
Medicaid: We won't get word on the subjective decision for a few months. One day I'll go into the horrible state that Medicaid is in. But not today. I will say if you ever hear our governor get on his podium and say how well the TABOR amendment keeps Coloradans fiscally responsible, know that it requires the citizens to pay a really high price for that.
Try to get physicians and therapists to take Medicaid, when they reimburse at $8/hr... nobody takes it, and the day is soon arriving when private insurance kicks her off. Enough said.
Mr. W. was very cool when I got home. I intended on hugging him for the flowers today, but he quickly darted around the table and then grabbed his coat on his way out the door.
Interpretation: I believe he will be getting a 2x4 whack by the mother ship. Sending flowers is not part of alien protocol. Moodiness is. And that's what I got in spades.
So much for baring my emotions.
Oh, and one thing that I forgot to post from our phone convo earlier today. I did comment that it is very difficult for me to show my emotions with him when he clearly runs away from me. I told him I felt he feared my emotions, except for when I'm happy.
He quickly defended himself by saying, "I don't fear them." Big pause.
He continued, "Well, I feel something, but I'm not sure about fear. I have to think about it."
Yes, he DOES fear my emotions. As I've said earlier, anything that is not packaged clearly and neatly is something he avoids. I'm not sure if this can be resolved, because I refuse to live a life where I have to express my entire self elsewhere (especially when things aren't happy).
It is unfair to me, and I don't want to send a message to D9 that emotions are wrong.
This story will have an end soon.
As far as agreeing or disagreeing with Trish goes, I'd like to put an end to that line of discussion on my thread. I was still reeling from the whack earlier, but I've survived. We were friends before this debate, and we'll be friends after it.
So why not all agree to learn something here?
I have. And it may not save my M, but I will survive. I'll have to thank Gloria Gaynor on my next trip to a disco...
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Welcome back! I'm so glad the PMA is doing better...Go YOU!
Talk to me off the board about private insurance...I'm curious as to why they would be able to not cover daughter when she is definitely not 21 and HIPPA regulations that have recently entered into the equation have really been beneficial in eliminating pre-existing conditions. Are they asking you to switch to COBRA? Sorry...HR is my life !
Back to the situation at hand…can you think of any reasons on WHY he would fear emotions? I doubt, knowing his PA tendencies, that he would offer those reasons up to you (or to himself for that matter) but if you can think of what it is that scares the daylights out of him…maybe we can all help you come up with ways that he can feel comfortable. With the circumstances as they are with D6, emotions are likely to be an inevitable part of your lives – married, divorced or separated. I have a feeling he knows that too…and may attribute to his butt-like actions sometimes.
I have a good pain-hider for a child also and when we finally discover an ear infection the doctor looks at Mr. Ray and I like we’re not fit to be this little boy’s parents. Clearly we’re completely out of tune to our little boy who is in this tremendous pain and has been for a while given the magnitude of the infection. Talk about guilt!!
"It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere."
--Agnes Repplier, writer and historian
Mer--One day, I will be teaching Parenting without Guilt 101 for anyone who is interested. And I believe that I am qualified to teach that one. So the next time your little guy feels ill and you don't know about it, don't let any medical professional try to make you feel bad...
I'm going to think about reasons why Mr. W. fears emotions. Right now, I can't come up with any logical reason...
He walked in the door this morning and was nice but a little distant. I tried to call him last night, but he turned his phone off (this was at 9 pm, so I'm not sure what that was about). I left him a VM to let him know that D6 was a little whiny but otherwise OK...
I don't know if this goes back to childhood, but I suspect so. His brother is even worse than he is, though he is not at all P/A. He just states NO when he means it.
Anyway, I'll think about it some more.
About private insurance... well, private insurance is offered by FOR PROFIT corporations. Medicaid is federally mandated but state supported--which is why there is such a difference in coverage from state to state. And they fund the poor and the disabled.
These wonderful FOR PROFIT organizations know that Medicaid is the insurance for the disabled. So any time after the age of 5, if they discover a congenital genetic defect which will not likely be changed for the better, they may elect to drop coverage on the insured.
We've been warned to expect this. It is legal and unfortunate.
And Medicaid is hardly the answer. There are precious few providers out there, and with the reimbursements lower than what you can earn at McDonalds, what is the incentive for providers to accept it? When you DO find a provider, there is usually a very long waiting list to get an appointment.
Plus Medicaid laws state that the individual who is receiving coverage may not own assets of $2K or greater. If they do, those assets must be liquidated before Medicaid can be accessed. This required us establishing a special needs trust to take care of that problem.
And establishing that SNT was what forced Mr. W. to deal with some feelings about issues that were just plain not going to disappear. Two weeks later, the DUI, and then his big walkaway scene.
We've had to contact every family member who had kindly mentioned D6 in their wills (knowing that her condition would not change for the better) and ask them to either drop her from it, or rename as the SNT. She can't afford to lose Medicaid.
The review we had yesterday was for a waiver program, which qualifies her to access a special pot of money for people with her issues. We have to requalify every year, and the conditions are written so they punish those who make progress to make room for others who need the services too. In Colorado, there are only 50 available slots for this group. And the governor will not allow people to share the slots.
So here we are. I will probably find out in April or so if she qualifies for the program again. If not, I'll figure something out.
Have fun researching this, Mer. I hope that things are different in your state, but I sincerely doubt it.
See you over at your place,
Bets
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
I don’t know about our state, but I can tell you anything you want to know about the insurance provided through our company. We cover dependants, period end of statement. All pre-existing conditions that we had held prior were eliminated with HIPPA and we offer COBRA to an employee who’s children turn 23 and aren’t insured. We extend coverage to those dependants who are disabled, and we have never not once sent someone away to Medicaid. The only insurance laws we’ve had to do extensive research on (and this was during an internship, so not very recent) were to ensure that we were not extending too much coverage, which is when we stopped covering at 23 rather than 26. The difference must lie in the fact that we are a self-insured corporation although underwritten by BCBS. We make the rules; they put their name on the cards and provide the list of doctors that can be included in the PPO network that we own. Thus, their profit comes from being on our payroll. Well then, doesn’t this have not a damn thing to do with DBing!! Sorry!!
"It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere."
--Agnes Repplier, writer and historian
Ah, they don't tell you the truth. That's the way it is in the real world.
Our insurance company would never tell us this. In fact, I'm sure they would flatly deny this happens if asked.
But I could round up more than a handful of families with kids of all different diagnoses--from CP to Autism--and give you the bad news in person.
It sucks!
Every financial jurisdiction (county, township, etc) has what is called a CCB--Community Centered Board. The CCB is responsible for arranging services, disbursing funds, and providing family support in general. Our CCB covers 3 counties...
They usually have a few different arms--before 3, juvenile, and adult. I was warned when she was 18 mos that this might happen and was advised to take advantage of all the laws that exist for kids 5 and under. We did.
Every day that we have coverage under both arms, we are fortunate. Private insurance always takes precedence over Medicaid in billing, so Medicaid isn't hit first.
Don't feel bad about this, Mer. This is something that you as a company entering a contract with an insurance company cannot control. Just because your company provides the coverage does not mean that they have to provide it to those who can access coverage elsewhere. It reduces profit by paying out for people who have more medical problems that are not injury related but congenital.
Sad but true.
It may not be true in your state if you have laws that prevent insurers from doing this. Our state does not have an insurance commission, so anything goes. Yours might--and they just might have a law that states that all insurers must provide to everyone.
So take heart--your state just might be a little kinder to those who can't make it on their own.
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
