So today was not such a good day. Last night I went out to catch a movie and hang with friends. W wasn't home when I left. So here was the text convo that took place last night.
W: I'm on my way home, i'm stopping to get food would you like anything? Me: No, but thanks for asking. W: Are you going out tonight? Me: Yes i'm already out. W: With John? Me: No he was busy and I didn't hear from other friend at all. W: Then who are you with? W: Doesn't Matter.... Me: I'm with Chris W: Oh ok well have fun.
That was last night fast forward to today. She gets home from an event she had this am and wants to talk about the finances after she moves out. I'll be honest i'm not really in the mood to humor her because this isn't what I want and it def showed. So I committed the 1st transgression. I told her that I feel we can work this out without her leaving and it went downhill from there. And she got mad and said "I Told you i'm done, i've thought long and hard about this"
Now this is where everything is in me screaming then why in the hell do you continue to call and text me on my whereabouts and who i'm with? If you are done leave me the hell alone... I didn't say it but I was thinking it. We just continued to argue. Ultimately, I realized that I broke a few of my own rules but I just feel like i'm on the damn roller coaster and she is the driver and I don't like it if I can be honest. Don't know if i'm supposed to give the PC answer or not but thats how I feel. But i've been giving her space, but I feel like today was by design and I'm doing my best to stay open minded and positive without self medicating myself with a heavy dose "shut down" to her. Because over the years i've developed a kill switch that is like no other. I'm trying not to go there.
Trying to for once in my life do something a little different but i feel like im losing myself here. Anybody give me something... Who knows maybe that's what I need, is to learn patience. Damn this is tough!!!
