My Story - Need Advice (Thread 2)

[Papa4Life]

Hi Chris. I've got agree with Accuracy ^^^ (how could you not? Lol)

The issue of MC is a bit dicey, I can tell you that from experience, alas. We went to see a therapist a few times over the years and she focussed a lot on our childhhod issues and why we developed the patterns that led to our issues. But what I sensed at the time, and what I see clearly now, is that she didn't offer us concrete tools to employ when problems arose. "You're having communication problems? Try communicating more!" Uh, how exactly?

Then, once W dropped the bomb, we went to that same "MC", and after seeing us together and then separately, at the very next joint session, she had W look me in the eyes and tell me she wanted a D and to tell me the reasons why. It's exactly the way Accuracy warned about: she wanted to focus on helping us to move on.

That's why, as with everything with DB, you have to be ready to hear W say something you don't want to hear. Somebody just told me yesterday about how he and his partner were on the brink of breaking up (OW, typical) but they saw a husband and wife therapists who said, we're not going to focus on what got you here, we're going to help you move forward together. I just wish we had heard about an approach like that earlier. But if the WAW isn't ready or willing to make that commitment then it would probably push her further away.

Also, when you experience these "emotional ambushes" where you get the urge to talk with W or try to change her mind, try to find something else to focus your energy on to distract yourself. That's much more productive and it will help you retain your equilibrium.