Thanks I like that idea of 30 days with little contract. I'm gonna make a new board with 30 days on it. I don't want to start over so let's get this done!
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
Thanks I like that idea of 30 days with little contract. I'm gonna make a new board with 30 days on it. I don't want to start over so let's get this done!
great goal and you are doing great! Just a thought, for me at least I would break that 30 days down to smaller blocks of time, so you can reach a goal sooner and have that success. Maybe a week, then another week or two? Just a thought. If you feel good with 30 go for it!
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
No expectations! Expectations = premeditated resentment
This is for me. It's the only way I will be able to clear my head
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
Like I have said. I am trying to have minimal contact as much as possible. One of my problems with that is I want to help though. He is a text exchange W and I just had: W: I'm about to freak out
Me: about?
W: I'm trying to freaking get stuff packed and I can't. Honestly I'm about to have a panic attack
Me: Slow down and breathe. Maybe go somewhere by yourself for a moment and just smoke a cig or something
W: I have and I'm now on tears.
Me: I'm sorry. You know I hate that. What's holding up the packing?
W: everyone else that's still showing
Me: They can't bring foxy back for you? I mean you seemed to have done a whole lot for them I would think
W: I have to get my trunk. It has to go in my car and I have to drive it into the barn
Me: Ok. So do you have any other choices, but to wait I guess?
Me: Why the big hurry? Just curious. Yes, I'm looking forward to a break, but I've had him this long. A few more hours isn't going to kill me. Don't panic because of that
W: I am
Me: I am what?
W: freaking to get home
Me: I understand. He misses you as well. We both knew this couple of weeks was going to be stressful. Just try to hang in there. It's almost done. And it seems like you and foxy did pretty damn well for y'all's first show together. That's something to be happy about:)
W: I'm happy about the show
Me: Good! Anything else I can do to help? You can vent to me all you want
W: no. Pray I get out of here at a decent time
Me: I can do that
Please let me know if I could have handled that differently. I feel like I let her seem like I'm going to be there for her for whatever. Interesting side note. She did text me last night about how well she did in the biggest event and told me to ask her mom because she saw. The interesting part is she never invites her mom and usually doesn't want her there. Especially knowing the OM would be up there. Couple that with Friday and how she was something seems a little different. I am just trying not to have any expectations about it what so ever.
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
Posting transcripts is definitely helpful. That all seems fine, but you see it's the stereotypical male/female interchange. She's trying to "share the drama" with you and let you know how she feels, and you're offering solutions and trying to make it better versus getting into the moment with her.
Stereotypically women just want you to empathize with how they are feeling about things versus telling them what to do to fix it. They are smart and usually know what to do -- they're not coming to you looking for the answer, they're coming looking to share in the journey.
One thing to try training yourself is not to suggest solutions unless she asks you for one directly. Otherwise focus on how she's feeling about whatever it is, versus the situation itself.
Accuray
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
Hey C, I hope that you take my posts in the way in which they are intended. It is always to try to help.
So, since I am a girl, thought I'd give my take. And the only way I know how to be is honest.
I think the exchange went ok. Just gonna throw some stuff out there, if that's ok.
Originally Posted By: cbtdad
I am trying to have minimal contact as much as possible. One of my problems with that is I want to help though.
I know you want to help, C, but she is a big girl. She doesnt need to be rescued.
Originally Posted By: cbtdad
W: I'm about to freak out
Me: about?
W: I'm trying to freaking get stuff packed and I can't. Honestly I'm about to have a panic attack
Me: Slow down and breathe. Maybe go somewhere by yourself for a moment and just smoke a cig or something I am sorry you are stressed.
W: I have and I'm now on tears.
Me: I'm sorry. You know I hate that. What's holding up the packing?
W: everyone else that's still showing
Me: They can't bring foxy back for you? I mean you seemed to have done a whole lot for them I would think I know you will get it done.
W: I have to get my trunk. It has to go in my car and I have to drive it into the barn
Me: Ok. So do you have any other choices, but to wait I guess?
Me: Why the big hurry? Just curious. Yes, I'm looking forward to a break, but I've had him this long. A few more hours isn't going to kill me. Don't panic because of that
W: I am
Me: I am what?
W: freaking to get home
Me: I understand and you will. He misses you as well. We both knew this couple of weeks was going to be stressful. Just try to hang in there. It's almost done. And it seems like you and foxy did pretty damn well for y'all's first show together. That's something to be happy about:)
W: I'm happy about the show
Me: Good! Anything else I can do to help? You can vent to me all you want
W: no. Pray I get out of here at a decent time
Me: I can do that
Um, she knows you are there for her whenever, wherever. You have told her many times, in many ways. Stop telling her. And she cannot vent to you anytime because you are living your life, right?
Originally Posted By: cbtdad
I am just trying not to have any expectations about it what so ever.
That is a good thing. ^^^^^
Really C, it's true what Acc. said. Women dont want to be told how to fix things. It implies we cant and we sure as heck can. They just want to know they are heard.
So, back to minimal contact, right? And working on not being a fixer?
Sea not getting back till 10pm or so now. She has been texting me all day. So much so that I am beginning to think that she is covering for actually just spending more time with OM up there. Probably just the negative in me. I know it doesn't matter. And I will continue to have minimal contact. I have to do so. I've actually had a great few days mentally and feel good about going into this week. I got "codependent no more" in mail yesterday and plan to start reading it tonight
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
