Confused about what I want

[job]

BRNR,
Whether you had given him space or not, as a mlcer, he would continue doing what he is doing because he is on a journey of self discovery which includes separating and possibly divorcing. Many of them, whether they are living at home or on the street, think of divorce. Some will act on it and others won't, but threaten to do so when cornered. They think that the divorce decree is going to make the world a better place for them, that the pressure will be off and you, the lbs, will finally back off, leave them alone and they won't have the be accountable and have responsiblity.

Unfortunately, that picture is not always as rosy as they think. They forget that there are bills to pay, two households to finance and yes, let's not forget the child support and all of the expenses that this will incur, as well as spousal support if necessary. They forget all of that and yet, the grass growing over the septic tank continues to call them because it looks so much greener than where they are standing right now.

Once they are divorced, the euphoria of finally being free as a bird will continue for about 6-12 months. The op is theirs and they now can be out in the open and do whatever they want...but the fantasy can't live on forever because the normal, mundane life slowly begins to creep in. The op begins to demand things from the mlcer, marriage, they want a new home w/all of the trappings, etc. The mlcer will begin to feel the pressure all over again and guess what? He now how to start looking at his life again. Of course, you, the children and the lifestyle that you are living will now be blamed...do not drink from that pitcher of kool aid...

You are lucky you had five months...I have two and he was gung ho on divorce and never looked back. Many will push for the divorce because they feel pressured by us. They don't like the fact that we are waiting, hoping that they'll change their minds. They have to prove to us and the world that they've made the right decision and some will not back down.

For me, I knew when he walked out the door the second time, he would never return because he knew that he had created so much damage that it could never be repaired. There's always hope in any situation. Today, we are civil to each other. He's nothing more than a distant acquaintance who is going through a difficult time w/his wife (ow) suffering from cancer. I looked at him 8 years ago and had absolutely no feelings for him because he was a total stranger, someone I would pass on the street.

The mlcer hit the kill switch a year or so before he/she dropped the bomb. By the time we learn of the situation, they've already moved on. Keep in mind, any and all feelings for us are stuffed way down and may not resurface for many years to come...that's how they do it.

I'm sorry you are having to deal w/this, but you need to get your ducks in a row financially. It's okay to leave the door ajar, but you need to protect your assets, as well as looking out for your children. The mlcer does not like to "share" funds w/the spouse and children and they consider money as theirs and theirs alone. This is now a business transaction and you need negotiate w/your head and not your heart.

Please take care of yourself.