Confused about what I want

[BRNR]

Ughhh! Didn't wake up feeling so good this morning.

Question of the day. Why won't my H give our marriage a second chance?

I evaluated some things this morning and realized that I may very well have to file the divorce. So much is happening so fast....I don't want the divorce, but I don't want me and the boys to struggle financially either.

Not enough time has past for me to close the door on things...but H seems adamant in OW, starting over, hurting everyone, and even the divorce it seems even though he hasn't filed (I think).

During these past 5-6 months I have tried to give H all the space he needs, but space seemed to confirm his choices in my sitch. I really do feel I gave him too much space, and now this IS the end. I don't like it, not one bit.

I re-read all the emails he has sent me in the past six months, this last one was all business and no emotion. One thing that does bother me is the clarity he seems to display, the rationality of things. it doesn't seem extreme....almost as he is fully aware of what he is doing and knows this is the right thing.

Five months is not enought time for me to be able to move on without him, yet he can do it all the same.

For all the divorced veterans, how did you know things were really over and stopped having hope that things would turn around. how did you get to that point?

Idk. Trying to pull myself out of this funk this morning....I don't want to drag my feet on this and want to move forward. Where is the kill switch in my brain and heart? How does the MLC'er do it?