I got bomb drop #2 about the same time, about 4 months in...I've had 3 BDs this go around, GALbaby had 4...if W's most recent one is any indication, she was stressed, frustrated with her other stuff, probably hitting the heights of OM withdrawal, and her "run" reflex kicked in, and who to blame, what to blame...um...T and the M will do nicely...
From what you've written, sounds really familiar, she might be entering the "anger" stage in full bloom...the complete re-write of your M history, the unhappiness, the trapped feelings...sounds like my W at this point back in Dec 2011-Mar 2012...
So, what to do, what to do?...definitely hit the dimmer switch as Ms. suggested, and rH's note card can be printed up as needed.
Now, find somewhere, something to do on many evenings...get out of the way of typhoon W. I have spent so many hours at my office at work through this, due to low finances, couldn't afford to do much else, and I needed to avoid pubs and other dangerous places (lol), leaving W to herself and her anger. Out of her way, out of my OWN way.
As the other posters have said, you are not going to be able to do much right, right now.
Memorize this:
Quote:
Your W has to come to the conclusion that you are not the cause of the pain she is in. This will take time. She is upset with the life choices she has made, more than she is upset with you. It's just easier to blame it on you. Understand this and you won't have to take her cruel words personally.
FY is correct. Do not take it personally, though some things may be about you, and true (and you know what they are, once you sift through the mountain of ill), this is really HER thing...if you listen carefully, she will let things slip out without consciously knowing, but you will have to sift through to discover them.
Read up in the resources about the anger stage, "doormat" behavior and all, as many times as it takes to sink in. I had to read them weekly during this phase. In my sitch, walking the line between being a caring, loving person and a doormat allowed my W to express, and eventually burn out the anger that she had held in since childhood (anger in her family was not an allowed emotion in the kids). I won't kid you, it was very tough on me, but I survived...you will too.
And now, W only remembers being very angry, the details...? Not so much...
Read up, educate yourself, lace up those boots and hang in there!
T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
