Bruce,
learn the laws about separation of assets. follow the laws. everything you need to know is online somewhere. or ask your lawyer.

very little in divorce is left to feelings, or what one person wants. Although, If you choose to give more than required then you can overwrite the laws.

there are calculations for division of assets, spousal support, child support etc.
in NJ you must be married for more than 5 years to get spousal support.
child support payments are based on division of time and differences in income.
anything she brought into the relationship is hers, anything you brought in is yours. anything you bought while married is to be divided.

again, learn your laws or ask your lawyer.

ignore the amount of time she is taking, or the reasons why. use the time to your advantage. she has the right to take as long as she wants.

learn patience.

"In a ham and eggs breakfast, the hen is involved, but the pig is committed".