So, here we are, another new thread on the horizon...
The conversation between OW and myself has been replaying in my mind. Various things stick out, and while only she knows her true intention of talking to me, I believe that everything she does is self- serving in nature, and this is no different.
I told my one friend and confidant, the person that also works with H and OW about the conversation. In her words, she thinks that OW is "losing her footing" and "is a loose cannon". She agrees that something is up, and that the talk was an act of desperation.
Something that we discussed was what exactly OW could be thinking or planning, what manipulations is she trying to work on?
See, (and I don't think I have shared this before), OW is on her second M. She M young because she was pregnant and also to spite her mother. Strange how that M didn't work out lol!!! Anyway, this has always been a source of shame for her - she hated that her son had a different last name than her, hated that her kids had different fathers, hated that she was ever married before her current H.
Because of this history, I don't see her leaving her H to pursue an A. I know that it couid happen, I just don't think it's likely.
Instead, I could see her trying to convince H to leave me so that she could have him all to herself (in her mind) and have him at her beck and call.
But I believe that she and I are slowly switching places in H's heart - a kind of emotional osmosis. And I think she may realize this, even if I'm not sure that he's fully realizing/understanding this.
As I have been consistent with giving him space, no pressure, and having a life outside of him, I believe that she has become more demanding, more controlling, and wanting more from him.
So as far as I'm concerned, I'm not going to "do something" right now besides keep doing my thing.
My friend said something else interesting to me... Now because she works with H and has known him for many years, she was able to see how he had changed. She knew he was different. He really hasn't bothered to try to hide that at work, or maybe it was too hard for him to do.
She said that the other day, he saw her on their way out the door, and wished her a happy belated birthday. She was in shock. She said he looked like the H that she knew, he acted like himself.
Keep in mind that OW hates this friend, and they have had words. I can assure you OW would not want H chatting it up with her.
What does this all freakin mean?!?! That's the million dollar question.
So....
My current goals: 1. Continue to have no expectations 2. Continue to give him tons of space 3. Continue living my life, enjoying time with my kids, family, and friends 4. Continue to do things I enjoy - yoga, reading, being outdoors/gardening, planning fun things with the kids 5. Look for some new/fun things to do. My good friend and I are planning a girls spa overnight trip at a resort about an hour away. We are looking into doing a zip line tour and rock climbing. 6. Dig dig dig dig dig deep for patience, and then dig some more
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rH, Gal, WH, Raine(and the many others who enjoy OW bashing) will get a kick out of this...
As I'm telling my friend about the conversation with OW:
Friend: I can't believe you didn't jump across the desk and put her in a head lock
Me: I may be pissed off, but I'm not stupid. She had 40 pounds on me.
Friend: oh dear, it is WAY more than 40 pounds!
Lol!!!!!
Right now, I do believe the forecast for the A is a gloomy one. I don't want to lose sight of the big picture though, don't want to focus on that too much. Even if/when the A ends, it is going to be a long road for H and myself.
Good thing I have such terrific travel companions here as I keep on keepin on
Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me
~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
T, I love your new thread title! It's quite stormy in la la land and I do think the weather is about to change. Grab your rain gear!
Stay positive!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
You've quite the roller coaster as well, I guess we didn't get "the memo" that it was roller coaster and Hawaiian shirt week...
Love your goals!
Quote:
She said he looked like the H that she knew, he acted like himself.
I have noticed this with W as well, it's kinda cool, in a way, to be able to get a feel for who you are dealing with, now that we know the "faces of mlc" so well. It cracks me up that during the anger phase I would come home and immediately look to see where our dog was...anywhere BUT in her kennel = "safe", in kennel = "warning, warning Will Robinson" ... But it is so fascinating to me the blatant physical change in their faces...
Have a great weekend and keep being you! T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
I have noticed this with W as well, it's kinda cool, in a way, to be able to get a feel for who you are dealing with, now that we know the "faces of mlc" so well. It cracks me up that during the anger phase I would come home and immediately look to see where our dog was...anywhere BUT in her kennel = "safe", in kennel = "warning, warning Will Robinson" ... But it is so fascinating to me the blatant physical change in their faces...
Funny, I have noticed this as well. When H is in "a mood" the dog sticks to me like glue and will not go anywhere H is. But lately H is in a mood all the time so the dog is my shadow.
Animals have the sense, ya know!
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
Don't worry Snodderly, I have my rain coat and galoshes out and ready to go. Never know when that down pour is going to happen.
And hi T and WH - it is a sight for sore eyes when I see the real H - it confirms my belief that he's in there somewhere...
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Tomorrow is S4's birthday party. I am busy tonight cleaning, decorating, wrapping. But even with me busying myself, I feel emotions kicking up.
In the spring/summer of last year, H was in full- on alien mode. His behavior was bizarre to say the least.
Last year for S4's birthday, H went golfing in the morning with xbf - I think it may have been the last time they did something together.
That afternoon for the birthday party, H was beyond strange. Didn't say two words the whole time. He sat away from everyone. The pictures from that day don't even look like him.
My sister lives out of state, and hadn't seen H in over a year. She was shocked at his appearance (he had lost a lot of weight), and even more baffled by his behavior. I remember she asked me later on - what the hell was going on???
After our guests left, H helped me clean up. He then went and laid on the couch and stared at the tv. I thanked him for helping me clean up, and he said something like, "It's the least I could do, I didn't do anything else". He then went on to tell me that he was sorry he wasn't a better father. He had tears in his eyes, but kept staring at the tv the whole time.
I told him I didn't think he was a bad father, and he told me not to say that, that he didn't want me to say anything. I can still picture everything so clearly.
On top of everything with H, I get sentimental with the boys' birthdays anyway. At one point in time, we didn't know if we could have children or not. It was painful, so painful.
We had gone through hell - too much to type, and I'm not sure I have it in me to retell everything anyway - and things looked grim for us on the baby front. I remember my H saying (out of frustration and sadness I'm sure) that maybe we weren't meant to be parents. And I told him that I didn't believe that.
The doctor had recommended that we take a break from trying. She thought I needed a break physically and emotionally from everything we had gone through. That was sometime in July 2007. On September 1, I found out I was pregnant with S4.
I believed then, as I do now, that it was a miracle. Miracles can and do happen.
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So H comes up to bed again last night. The jury is still out on whether or not this is a new trend...
He is supposedly out with his one friend tonight. I have no idea if that's true or not, I stopped trying to figure that out. When he was saying good-bye, he tells me that it won't be a late night, that he is tired. Says, "To tell you the truth, I am looking forward to coming home tonight and sleeping."
Looking into his bloodshot, tired, I haven't slept in so long eyes, I actually believed him. We will see.
Oh well, gotta get the final touches done for our Hot Wheels birthday party tomorrow!
Life is good
Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me
~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
During last summer/fall when there were a few times I could tell my H was starting to become drawn to home, it was a blessed relief each time, even with no expectations. I think my only expectations were knowing I was going to working on this M a loooong time.
So...I read with joy that your H is looking forward to coming home tonight. Who knows what part of his body will be itchy next
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
It's a double-edged sword I think, when we get to see the "real" spouse...you know they are "in there, somewhere", but "not"...gives hope, yet frustrates.
Believe me, I get the "jury is still out" feeling, kinda sad though, that this is reality, I miss when that phrase wouldn't have even crossed my mind...guess this is one lesson in our journey.
I think you are going to see some "interesting" changes soon...
T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
Enjoy S4's birthday, well he is soon to be S5. What a delightful age. I always visit your thread in the hope that there will be good news to read. I believe things are slowly starting to shift for you. Could be some time yet, but you have the patience of a saint, and strength to match. I'm sure it will be fun-filled Hot Wheels day with your family.
Hey T, happy birthday to your son! My son used to love his hot wheels!
I pray that your h is different this year. Just know that sometimes when they are in flux, like I think he is, they sometimes move backward a bit. Especially when it is at something like a child's birthday.
Doesnt always happen. Just wanted you to be aware.
I liken it to this. Remember when you were a kid, and there was a big puddle. You had to back up a few steps to get over it. Kinda like that.
Happy Birthday to your son. I hope he has a great day. I'm sure you've got everything under control and your home looks great.
I think your h will be a bit different from last year. He's not going to be the old self, but he will be in a better state of mind (hopefully).
Yes, miracles do happen and I'm hoping that one comes along for you and your family.
Enjoy your day! Take plenty of photos!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
