7 months since BD and not sure where to go next

[AM2012]

Some answers to SA

[quote=AM2012]
however there is still a lot of anger and he is constantly bringing up the past and how I have hurt him.

I'm curious how you respond to him when he brings this up?

I usually tell him that I am very sorry about the past. I can't change is, but will ensure it doesn't happen again.

but we end up fighting about the past.

You need to break this cycle. He needs to be able to talk about his concerns about the past with you without it turning into a fight. It takes TWO to fight. One person (you) does have the power to change the dynamics. Did you fight at RetroV when all those emotions came pouring out? Or did you validate?

We fought at retro. Yes I do have the power to change the dynamics and things have been going well except for tonight.

I still want to reconcile, but I am getting to my breaking point. I don’t know how much longer emotionally I can take this.

Have you read DR? These are signs that you are not detached. If you effectively detach then you can handle your sitch with grace and love without it affecting you emotionally. Essentially if you're detached there is no "breaking point". That's where you need to be.

I haven't read DR, only DB. I think I have detached and feeling good for a coup,e of weeks and then I get to a point that I need that closure.

I feel I need to know if there is a future or not. I just need some closure.

If you push for this, then the closure you're going to get is divorce. That would be very unfortunate as I'm reading some very positive signs in your sitch, signs that most people here would be elated to see in their own sitches.

I agree most people would be thrilled and so should I, however I have a hard time believing him. I know he is just living in fear of regret and that's why he holds on. He afraid of hurting the kids and the family. No one wants this R to end. He's always been the person to please others just to avoid confrontation and avoid hurting others.
After tonight's episode, I have no idea what the future holds. I know that if he actually starts dating and finds someone who can give him that level of intimacy he wants, he's gone forever. He's a very loyal person and is easily pleased.
The statement believe nothing that is said and only half of what you see. When does that change?

We have been apart for a couple of weeks and in those 2 weeks I have started to see some changes

If you're seeing changes after only 2 weeks then that is a great sign.

Yes I thought it was a great sign, but I struggle believing anything he says.

Happy 10 year anniversary
I hope we can make things work between us.

When I read the card, my heart sank in a Bad way.

Honestly, I am amazed at that!! Are you generally a pessimistic person? Are you the kind of person that if you found out you won a million dollar lotto you'd be angry that it wasn't 3 million? LOL! I'm just kidding, but seriously, he says he wants to make things work and that makes your heart sink???? You're being overwhelmed by negative energy and that in itself could kill your chances. You need to change your attitude, start appreciating the positive steps you're seeing and focus on that instead of seeing bad news even in places that there is none.

Yes I am pessimistic. I am working very hard on changing this. I have noticed some changes in myself but I have a long way to go