BANG! Bomb Drop Number Two

[mrtwopointfour]

I managed to unintentionally temperature check my W and she dropped BD2. At least this time it did not hurt as much. The main part of the BD conversation were: 'I just need to get out of here, I don't love you, and I feel like my life is wasting away'. She's not said this since the first few weeks after initial BD.

Here is my previous post:

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2345579#Post2345579

My W has not been right all week. She has been very down, withdrawn, angry, snappy and horrid towards me. Pretty much the exact behaviour as she showed before initial BD. I knew something was wrong, but it really kicked off when I was talking to her about her job and pointing out that she could start the training process now. At which point I was accused of trying to keep her here.

Its not been a great week for my W. We had to give up the family pet, she has had a bad week with work, she has not had any joy looking for a new job, and money has been tight. This has made her depressed and very unhappy. It is really upsetting her, she told me how she felt useless, trapped, panicky, and like she had ruined her life and was back at square one. She doesn't know who she is anymore, regrets giving up everything to have kids and how she should never have done this, its not what she wanted.

Although she will not admit it, she is resentful towards me claiming that I seem to be happy and how I have everything i need / want but take it for granted. I have a good job (which apparently is unfair as she had to give hers up for kids!), I have family around me, where she has only one parent left (i have 3 generations left above me), and don't have to worry about where to live etc. This does hurt a little as I have done everything I can to work hard to keep a roof over our head, but according to W I take it for granted because I have told her in the past how my job is stressful and sometimes hard to deal with. In fact I feel like I have spent the last 10 years of my life trying to keep my W happy.

W then went on to tell me that she is expected to be a person she is not, and does not want to be. That she never wanted to get married, have kids, be a stay at home mother, but she did this for other people because thats what she thought would make them happy. She resents her parents for that, for trapping her in a lifestyle she does not want, for moving to live near us, for her mother getting ill. And she blames me for it too because I let it happen and I was happy for her to be this person, and did not do anything to stop it. The fact is, she is the one that always wanted marriage and kids, not me, she pushed me into it - gave me the ultimatum many moons ago that she could not be with me if i could not commit. She always talked about having more kids, it was me that was happy with what we had. She always looked forward to giving up work to have kids as she was sick of traveling to work, but now she claims she loved that journey. She is yet again turning everything into a negative, everything towards me and her parents, and she is now asking herself (out loud and in front of me) 'how did she let her life get in such a mess'.

I then got accused of not doing anything to move things on, and she asked whether I was hoping that this was all going to go away, why I had not sorted out divorce papers, or split the finances yet. Why I was unwilling to talk about it all. It was the not willing to talk about it that is troubling her most. I think she believes that because I will not happily talk about the plan, i.e.. when we need to do stuff by and set dates, that I am dragging my heals. She actually accused me of getting a kick out of seeing her upset and panicked by not being about to move on with her life, and how I was happy that she was stuck. She asked whether I thought she would just give up on the idea and make do. At this point I stopped her and told her that I do not want a wife to stay with me just because she has to, that I have self respect and she should show me some respect too.

Basically this whole attack at me was the same as I already knew from BD 3 months ago. However these 3 months seem to have been a life time for my W. She thinks that because she has not found a job yet, been able to move out, get on with life that her life is slowly wasting away. She is absolutely desperate to move out now, and will do anything to do this. She claims she does not feel like this is her home any more and how every moment she spends her is horrible. I think within the next month she will go. She also told me how everybody around her is telling her to move away with the kids, make me pay, and make it work for her. Why would they say this? I have done nothing wrong!

I don't really know what to do next. Obviously its only been 3 months for me which is not long, but for my W its a lifetime. Doing what I am doing is just irritating my W more as she thinks I am playing games, or enjoying this. Do I push it forward more, sort out papers? Show that I am willing for this to happen? I feel like i just need to let her go, but how? She is not doing anything to move it forward herself other than trying to find a magic fix for her life. The more I don't do anything the more she resents me. I feel that if this carries on we will hate each other before long.