WAW having affair, still living in separate rooms

[newman7977]

Agreed. I wouldn't want that agreement either. So just to be clear, you want your son more than 50%? Looks like you guys are far from the middle of an agreement...from what I hear this is where D gets nasty when both parties couldn't agree fairly. How do you feel about your L?

[kenva]

I am ok w 50% of the time, would want more. I met w two attorneys a few weeks ago and am comfortable w one. She has always threatened me if we were to fight she would be ready. She doesn't know I have her affair in my back pocket.

[newman7977]

Kenva, most states are "no fault", unless you are not in one the A card don't matter. Unless, I would think, if OM has some bad criminal record or he's a child molester or if your W is not mentally sound to care for your child...I don't know just thinking these could be exceptions to get more custody in your favor. Again, I have no experience in this just thinking out loud.

[kenva]

Thanks Newman. It is. No fault state and it isn't fair. I just need to get myself together and get her to see that I am the best thing for her. I have hope and faith , but I am also realistic. I just hope I still have time to.

[newman7977]

If she's in an A just like my W she won't see us. Although my W once told me that she knows ive changed but its a little too late. I can relate to your feelings and you're right it isn't fair. My W filled up the forms but couldn't get herself to file I couldn't either but if she does I am ready to fight for what's fair for the kids. At this point she should file not me since I'm not the one that checked out of M.

I know everyone is different but when I got my ducks in a row, I felt good...I didn't feel trap if she ever files.

Try to put the feelings on the side and concentrate on the legal process of all these, it will impact your future with your s6. You have to think whats the BEST interest for you and s6. D is only a piece of paper and you and your W can still get back together even after D. I think to finalized a dissolution of M takes about 6mos to a yr...a lot can happen then. Yep so you have time you can hope but take off the expectations.

I've seen it happen here...visit the forum here, I forgot the name I think it's called "divorced but not done".

[kenva]

I do have hope and faith but I also know the reality. I am self employed and work has gotten busier now than in the last 4 years. I am glad I have friends and family ,even on her side that are really supportive of me. Knowing work and dealing w D is going to be tough. I have been down before and came back. I keep telling myself " I can do this ", as soon as this initial shock, but was expecting it, wears off.

[kenva]

I did get a laugh just now. W and s are at in laws till whenever tonight. I am at a diner and the waitress is hitting on me. Got a chuckle and made me feel good.

[kenva]

What's up w this? I went out sat night and , I am pretty sure she knows I got served , when i got home she left the light on again in the hallway going upstairs to where I sleep.

[JuneReN]

Since when are divorce and kindness not compatible?

Someone (AS?) said there are two kinds of divorce; legal and emotional. You are currently holding the legal version.

[SFC_Swede]

Kenva, you appear to be taking this all in stride, and have a positive mental attitude. I am here for the same reasons most come here. I too got the "I care about you, but I am not in love with you...and havent been for years" speech. She also wants me out and saying she is filing for divorce. Do I think there is OM? Possibly. Or it could just be the years wearing on the R and me not paying attention or taking things for granted. I am still in moderation, but I hope you guys pop over to see my story, and pass along some advice. If your like me, we dont have a whole lot of people to lean on.

As for custody brother...fight for it. My first marriage went down in flames, and I ended up with my clothes and a huge child support payment. I had to work 2 and 3 jobs just to survive, and I had no time for my kids despite the liberal visitation rights she agreed to. I was supposed to get them every summer, but because I had to work all the time, was alone, had little disposable extra money, and had no one to look after the little ones. By the time I met W2, got a better job, and was more secure...my kids were in their teens, and being around dad vs friends, boyfriends, and other distractions was more important than coming to stay with me. It didnt help that throughout the years when I couldnt take them, it built up resentment in their eyes.

So, my only life advice is...take care of your son. Because one day, you arent going to be cool anymore...and will find it harder to connect with him. Sure, my oldest (D25) now is in my life (they do come back as they get older). But it was years of pain and absence before this.