I am a NICE shark, not a mindless eating machine.

[Lyrael]

(((((Betsey)))))
Wow- I didn't realize I would come back to all this. Talk about a challenge.

Although...I guess some of that huge emotion really needed to come back. You don't HAVE to be the tower of strength and PMA for all of us all the time. We love you even when you feel like, well, crap.
I kind of wondered if I was just weird because I got overwhelmed with the unfairness of the sitch, and my anger about the sitch, and so on. Sometimes I am just so tired of waiting! Tired of trying so hard...and I feel like giving up.
But for some reason (sometimes I don't know why) I don't. I hate the relationship I have with my H sometimes. But I don't hate him. I am still trying because of the times when it all falls together and makes sense - I don't feel neglected/hurt/ignored/angry, and he seems happy to just be with me as well.
When or if those times stop happening, I guess I'll know it's time to stop. Time to go back to the beginning again, and decide how you're really feeling and what you want - not only out of this sitch, but out of life.
You don't always have to be strong or happy - I think my husband would stand on his head before he would just let me be angry and be able to be there for me through that.
I don't want him to share my emotions or be afraid of them - I just want to be allowed to have them without being afraid I'm going to lose one of the most important people in my life.

I can't promise anyone I'll never be angry again, so I guess the dilemma is this - is there a way to express emotion and receive support without scaring people who might just not be comfortable with emotions?

I still think you're mostly doing okay, Bets, although re-evaluation is always good I guess.

((((((((Betsey))))))))
Myrrh