Confused about what I want

[AJM]

But I want to go in with an open mind and true to what I believe.

That is something you likely will never regret, BRNR. I know I never have regretted taking that approach. I stuck to it the entire time although at the end I was willing to file without question. But I left it to her to file the sep agreement, the divorce, etc. I stuck to my values.

I agree with the others in the sense that it left me feeling like I was just on the end of a rope. Like I wasn't taking charge. It was worth it for me although not pleasant. I feel although I suffered a few things unnecessarily, I am much better off in the long run.

One thought - don't do it because of fear. Don't do anything because of fear. There is nothing to fear, seriously. His choices and actions are his. Yours are yours. But fear shouldn't drive your actions and decisions. Believe me, he'll pick up on and exploit it if fear is present. It's in the nature of a MLCr. When you make your next choice, do so with an open mind and with your interests at heart. Come what may, you do need to take care of you and your family. He needs to do the same, but he's only capable of making his own decisions and taking care of himself. Leave it at that. The judge will figure out the rest -that's what they do.

And get it ingrained in your head - your H won't be anything but angry no matter what you do. That's because it's not you that caused his anger. If you do nothing, he'll be angry. If you give him everything, he'll be angry. If you take everything, guess what? He'll be angry. See the pattern? You can't cause him to be happy or sad or angry. He's wrapped up in his own little angry world and until he gets out of it, that's where he'll be. You can't help or hurt at this time.

Peace,
AJ