From my own experience I can tell you that not taking action and remaining at the mercy of H's next move created a lot of anxiety and feelings of hopelessness. It was also because of my inaction that I had a lot of resentment building up over H's seemingly better life without me. The truth is I have no idea whether his life is better or worse and I gave him a lot of legal leverage by just responding without taking any initiative to demand what I want and need for me and the boys. He has had lots of money while I have struggled. I wish I would have had a temporary support order in place instead of just letting the attorneys decide on an amount.
Try to separate your feelings for your H from the action that you might need to take to protect yourself. Find an attorney that you feel comfortable with. I didn't hire the first one I consulted. Follow the advice. The attorney can lay out your options and help you decide on the best one.
For what it's worth I'm not sure how much I was holding onto my H and marriage because I really loved him or I was just lonely and fearful of my future without him in it. My fear definitely kept me confused and feeling victimized. Either way I deserve and want better for myself than I am getting and so do you. Holding yourself in high regard and taking the best action for you and your kids doesn't mean you don't love your H or want a reconciliation. By respecting yourself and meeting your own needs you will teach your H how you want to be treated.
