[in_it]

Thanks to all of you. The encouragement is very much needed.

uRworthy-I know this because I called the airline. I couldn't get his excuse out of my head.

p4l-Right now I think my backsliding is just mental. He doesn't realize I know. However I did question him when he first told me, an hour after he should've already taken off, by asking him what changed his mind to move his flight & why didn't you tell me sooner? That's when I got the whole delayed flight excuse.

I hate it also because he told our daughters all week he would be home before they went to bed. It kills me. If we don't make it through this, I hope he realizes that someday they are going to get older & mature & start asking questions. He has said from day one that he wants to make sure how everything would be with the girls. He doesn't not wan to see them everyday & he would be moving far away & doesn't know if he could handle it. Well, I'm not sure we can handle what is going on currently.

D7 had had some problems at daycare & at home with her sister & me. The way she has been treating people & talking to them is not nice. We had a long talk with her this morning. When D7 left the room H told me I better get it together & start handing her because it is only going to get worse. I asked what do you mean? I think our talk went well. He said, when I'm really gone for good & not just a week at a time or so. I said when's that going to be? He said he had no idea.

azguy-I think right now if I confronted him I would just ask him why the lies? Tell him I'm not stupid & I know his flight was not delayed & he switched it & there is only one reason he would do that. More than anything, I think I just want him to know I know. I don't like looking like I'm such a gullible fool. I would also ask him if & when he is going to tell OW about the baby. I'm pretty sure he hasn't, I'm almost certain it will be a deal breaker for her. He has told her we sleep in separate rooms & quit ML the day they started. She believes him. I know I've posted about it before, but I just want her to know so bad. I know it is not going to fix us by any means. I just want them to have some problems. Some big problems. No little argument over something petty. Something big-like hey OW my wife is 7 weeks pregnant. I'm thinking that's pretty big. Maybe it's selfishness come out or I'm just jealous & bitter. Whatever it is, I can't let it go.

Reality-you're right. I need to slow down. My worst problem is my mind. I'm just glad that for the most part I can keep it contained in my mind (or let it out here).

Oh, and Hs bag wasn't at baggage claim when he landed. I'm chalking that one up to Karma!

Off to the gym.