I am a NICE shark, not a mindless eating machine.

[holdingon]

Oh, Betsey... we should have bought stock in a kleenex company...

And aren't there maps to tell us where to go and what to do? With all the tears and salt water... I suppose they'd be worthless anyway.

Early after the bomb, my H told my my being strong was NOT a good thing. Although I had been to one to run the house, take care of the kids, etc. BY MYSELF all the time. As a matter of fact, my H trained me to be strong, by being completely, totally wrapped up in his career.

And the reality is, if I was not the strong woman that I am, I literally would be dead, as I thought about that MUCH after the multiple bombs were dropped ... I am sure you know that feeling...

So, do we show our soft underside? Do we dare? After being trained by DR to act as if we can handle anything, act as if everything is wonderful in our lives. Do we let our Hs see us be vulnerable? I have no clue. I want to know. And I am afraid showing my true feelings, which to be honest, are a raw, open weeping mess (yes, even a year after bomb #1) for fear that it will scare my H.

I don't know if he is afraid of hurting me more and therefore does not talk to me... or does he think I don't care because I am happy when I talk to him or see him?

I am completely confused. So, in times of confusion, I'm doing nothing.

When you find that map, or another mask with name and phone number, let me in on it, okay? Otherwise, I think the only thing we can do is... Keep Swimming.