Well, I'm sitting here in my bathrobe and sniffling on the sleeves because my cousin seems to have used up all my kleenex. Thanks for your posting afterward. I'll admit that I'm feeling pretty down now and a little paralyzed. There will be no church or grocery shopping for me today.
I have to vent here so I can move on, and this is not directed at you.
I'm just so sick of him! It's been okay for him to hole up in some damned dingy apartment and live in solitude and six packs while I tend to life that is still happening outside of his cloister!
Yes, I'm pissed!
He gets to come over and grace us with his presence, which do periodically include some tasks getting done that I can't do or don't know how to do. And then he tells me that he's done them so I can tell him how much I appreciate them.
But who the hell is thanking me? I haven't had one f*ing acknowledgment from him or anyone else in his blasted family! How about, "Bets, I know it's really hard to take care of the girls and yourself during the week without my support. And I respect you for sticking in there for me."
No, I get some lame ass P/A notification that he's moving to a bigger place but he's scared to death of what I'm thinking or going to say about his choices!
What about me? Huh? I raise the girls literally solo during the week and he still schedules bowling and golf tournaments on days where he has them. This forces me to rearrange any downtime or time with friends that I have scheduled for myself. Time that I don't get while he's playing mole in his cave.
Not that he gives a flying f*ck.
Just once, why couldn't he have started the emotional ball rolling by saying, "I know that this is going to disappoint you, but I need to tell you why I'm doing this."
Why can't he express himself honestly instead of waiting for me to pull it out of him?
He seems to hold my feelings against me, because demonstrating them is a big turnoff to him. On one hand he seems to tell me he needs to see my weaknesses, but then he walks away when I need comforting or validation.
In his mind, the way he has treated me, that job is for my friends. When I get upset, he walks away. When he comes back (this is before he moved out), I'd need to discuss them. Granted, my emotions were all over the place and really messy, but I had not figured out how to work through them until now.
He'd give me a moderately disgusted look and say, "Why don't you call Leslie? She's good about listening to you when you're like this."
Well, so was Joe! He was my childhood friend who I came perilously close to having an affair with (and I did have an EA). All it took for me to have feelings for him was the fact that he was breathing, listened to me and told me I was nice.
Well, if that's all it takes for me to have feelings for someone, I'm pathetic! How hard of a job is it for K to fill? He used to be that guy before he headed down a road of depression and alcohol indulgence.
So the question is, how do I show him I'm vulnerable without him walking out of the room? Trish, D9 has watched him do this to me multiple times and hates when he walks out on me in mid-sentence.
I need to put some laundry in and I'll be back.
Thanks!
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
