Thank you. Those rogue waves still hit with full force at the oddest times. It has been over a month now since I have heard from xSO. I am finally not checking the phone in the middle of the night to see if he called. My pendulum swings all of the time - contact him, not contact him. The truth is, I want him to contact me because that at least shows me that he remembers I am still here. The other half of me thinks that someone needs to wave a white flag or we are never going to get past this.
Don't they (the rogue waves) though? Lol, can be out of a clear blue sky.... strange stuff.
It sounds like you're getting a little stronger. I know what you mean about checking the phone - I used to do that alot right after bd. I can't imagine how much I would have done, would be doing that in your sitch. You are making progress. It doesn't seem to be in the direction you want maybe, but who knows what's around the corners in life?
I understand wholeheartedly about you wanting him to contact so you'll know you still matter to him. Remember that MLCers often have screwy senses of time, he may well have no idea its been so long since you two have spoken.
Their memories are just shredded. The other day, H asked me what route I took to a track meet. I told him the road, he said he didn't know it. I said "Oh sure you do. It's the one that has that big gray house with the doberman. Remember? When we were doing our walks (this was less than a year ago) we went down that road all the time." H looks at me like I've grown 10 heads, totally blank. I said, "You don't remember when we went on walks, do you?" "Nope."
Sigh.
Keep up that PMA Portia. I think you're doing a great job
Me 46 H 56 M 22 yrs S22, D20, Twin Ss18
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow. What you stop. And what you reinforce. ~~~~~~~ A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
Remember that MLCers often have screwy senses of time, he may well have no idea its been so long since you two have spoken.
