Oh, B, I'm so sorry. I have been right where you are tonight and actually not long ago. For about 24 hours I was distraught all over again. I couldn't stop crying and the pain was intense. I was dealing with a lot of fear and frustration with the divorce, sadness over my marriage and my mom's health and generally was very stressed. Hang in there tonight. Cry it out. You have likely needed to release all the stress and anxiety you've been feeling.
It must be incredibly hard to make the decision to file for D. Do you have the option to file for legal separation?
You'll know when you're ready to take the next step. It's so hard to deal with the legal issues when you're so heartbroken. The D was forced on me before I was ready. I was heavily grieving and my H just wanted it done. It's taken a long time for me to want to fight for myself and the boys. Like you, I was afraid that taking action would push my H further away. It wouldn't have mattered, B, he was gone. I wish I would have protected myself sooner, but I was having a hard time facing reality.
Regardless of your legal standing, your marriage can always be reconciled. Do what you need to do when you're ready.
Try to take really good care of yourself. Get plenty of rest, eat good, healthy food, etc. In the beginnnng I took good care of the boys, but I neglected myself. My love tank was empty, I was exhausted and felt terrible. It took awhile to turn that around.
Tonight is very difficult, but know you won't be in this place forever. I'm praying for you.
