I was doing something thinking today. Not always a good thing in my case. LOL!
Anyway, I was thinking that we had no choice in the BD. But everything else after that, we did.
It is our choice how we react, how we act, what we say. Our choice of whether to act with dignity or not. Our choice in whether to stand or not, whether to love or not, whether to strike out in anger or retaliation.
And though my life is a very difficult one in many ways, I am so glad I made the choices I did.
It was ectremely difficult this, that is for sure. But it means something if at the end of the day, you can look in the mirror and be ok with who you are and how you've acted. It means something to know that you loved with all you had, so much so that you let go.
The choices we make, the stands we take, the lives we touch and love, all matter. It all matters.
You are right, we had no choice with the bomb drop, and we do have control with everything after. Problem is, I think it takes a very long time to realize this.
Instead, we try to control the wrong things, like our spouse, what they do, say, and feel. We haven't learned yet that there is no controlling others.
Only ourselves. We can always control what we do and how we act.
Once I figured out that I could leave anytime or end things when/if I needed to, it helped me to see how much control I really did have.
You are right, everything we do, how we live each day, it all matters.
You have one heck of a roadmap my friend
Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me
~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
T, I want you to know that I feel a true connection with you. You are very special to me. And thank you for your kind words.
These things that I learned were hard earned. And I guess I feel that sharing what I've learned might help someone else not to have to go through quite as hard a time. At least, that is my great hope.
You are very special to me too. Truly, as I've said before, my guardian angel. Lord knows there were times where it felt like I was in hell, me barely hanging on by a thread.
I never forget the kindness that others show me. Ever.
You help someone with each and every post you make. Someone, somewhere, reads your words and maybe doesn't feel so alone, or so hopeless, or so sad, or so lost. Often times, that person is me
Like you, I also scare myself sometimes by thinking too much. Where the hell is the off switch to my brain lol!
In taking a break from reading things here, or on affairs, or MLC, I have been reading a book just for fun called "Love the One You're With". Subliminal message in the title? Perhaps!
Anyway, there was a quote in the book about love that I thought you would appreciate-
"But maybe that's what it all comes down to. Love, not as a surge of passion, but as a choice to commit to something, someone, no matter what obstacles or temptations stand in the way. And maybe making that choice, again and again, day in and day out, year after year, says more about love than never having a choice to make at all."
Have a good evening
Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me
~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
T, thank you. Your words made me cry. I am humbled by them.
It really is an honor for me to pay it forward in any way I can.
I am glad you are taking a break from reading about all this. It gets to you after awhile.
I LOVE that quote and I agree completely.
I was thinking today about my sitch. When all this happened, my son was 16. He was just starting to become a man and this really derailed him.
Everyone told me to tell him about his father and what he had done. But for me, it just didnt feel right.
I told myself I would not lie to my son if he asked me a direct question.
When speaking to him, I said, that what happened between his father and I had nothing to do with him. And those things were between us.
I reminded him that he was a good father to him and that he loved him.
I told him that I wished things had turned out differently. he asked if I tried to save the marriage. I answered that I had.
I knew that if I told him about the affair and everything else, knowing my son, he would no longer speak to his father.
I would do nothing to cause harm to their relationship. It was theirs to forge.
I was also torn because I worried that my son would not really know who his father was.
I prayed alot and realized that my son needed to make decisions about his father on his own.
And he has. They are trying to rebuild their relationship, but, my son does not have the same kind of respect for him that he once did.
He tells me that his dad quit on his family. He walked away when it was too hard. I listen mostly and answer questions when he asks.
He also has thanked me for never saying a bad word about his dad. He thanked me for allowing him to have a relationship with him. He told me he has a lot of friends whose moms say horrible things about their exh's and put their kids in the middle.
It was a choice I made. I do not regret it for a minute.
