Have a question. W suffers from low self esteem, which I think is contributing greatly to this mess.
Here we go again. Here is what I posted to your last "magic bullet":
Sounds like this is your newest thing. You've decided that what your W really wants/ needs is a hyper-providerwhat is really wrong with your W is low self-esteem, so you're going to throw yourself into that now. Meanwhile, your W is STILL waiting to see CONSISTENT 180's. As 25 says, "consistent actions + time = change your S can believe in". I'm not seeing constistency from you, nor does it seem like you give anything much time to work before moving on to something else.
SM34, stop the troubleshooting. Quit trying to fix your W. Fix yourself.
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She is looking for a job. But not very avtively as I know the whole thing intimidates her.
That's not looking for a job, that's just wishful thinking.
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She has been out of the workforce for a decade.
= not looking for a job
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and gives her better appreciation for what I go through every day.
Narcissism. By the way, do you know the traits of narcissism?
- An obvious self-focus in interpersonal exchanges - Problems in sustaining satisfying relationships - A lack of psychological awareness - Difficulty with empathy - Problems distinguishing the self from others - Hypersensitivity to any insults or imagined insults - Vulnerability to shame rather than guilt - Haughty body language - Flattery towards people who admire and affirm them - Detesting those who do not admire them - Using other people without considering the cost of doing so - Pretending to be more important than they really are - Bragging (subtly but persistently) and exaggerating their achievements - Claiming to be an "expert" at many things - Inability to view the world from the perspective of other people - Denial of remorse and gratitude
I count 11 of those that I have seen you display in your posts here. Not throwing stones because I see myself in several of those as well. Just read the above and try to objectively see areas you need to improve on.
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Not getting a job keeps her dependant, but doesnt help her depression or personal growth.
You speak of her being dependent as if it's a positive trait. Do you actually see that as helpful to keeping your M together?
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With my sitch in mind, am I crazy to promote her getting a job?
What you are crazy to do is to keep enabling her. Where is she getting the money from to go and see OM constantly? I think others talked to you early on about nipping that in the bud, but I assume it must be continuing since she clearly doesn't have a job and she is clearly still going to visit OM. Quit enabling her. If she wants to get a job to fund her tryst then that's her business.
