Hi - pretty new to these boards but I wanted to let you know your obviously not alone. Just read through your post and could connect on most of your situation. Mine has not progressed yet to yours, as we are still in the same house, but I feel that it could easily go that way.
I too have been accused of the emotional abuse with my controlling behavior and it hurts to hear because my controlling comes from fear of losing what I love, long story if you read my posts you might understand. I never got that it was emotional abuse till a couple of years ago when it started getting worse, but I never thought of getting help, till now, when its possibly too late.
I wish I could offer some insight but as I mentioned I'm a rookie to this, and others seem to be giving great advice. Just wanted to show support and I'll be pulling for you.
M: 43 W: 43 Married: 17 Together: 20 BD: 4/8/13 no legal or physical S as of yet 3 kids: S:14 D:13 D:9 W admitted EA: 5/5/13 Mediation started: 6/3/13 W says EA is done: 6/30/13 - still interested in D