I don't believe that anyone suggested that you get help for H. The concern here is that you seek help for yourself for your own well-being and better managing your own choices and moving toward more healthy behavior.
I agree with you -- the precise nature of your husband's affliction is irrelevant. It is impossible to know if he suffers from NPD or some sort of addictive/compulsive personality disorder unless he seeks treatment. Nevertheless, because of his affliction and how you choose to manage its influence in your life, your relationship is damaging to you. All you can control is yourself.
The denial throughout your posts is pretty thick. It is easy for people in a different place to see. It is kind of like reading a newcomer's thread in which it is pretty darn obvious that an OP is involved and the newcomer remains in denial and persists in behavior that hurts both the self and the R.
It isn't stubbornness or stupidity or weakness on their part. Denial is powerful stuff.
People are just hoping to get through to you so that you can find your way to a healthier place.
