I saw the reference to al-anon and sighed on your behalf
Originally Posted By: mizjjd
My H does something similar to this as well. He seems to actually believe television portrayals of families. Thinks because we don't do X like such and such fictional family that means our family is deficient. "Not much of a family" is one of his lines.
Maybe this is their way of finding excuses, "reasons" to want to run from their current sitch. Kind of a "see, we don't have "it" like we're supposed to have "it" ".
I think this is spot on. My xSO had all these crazy expectations about what "family life" should be - all unrealistic. He holds up his own parents as examples but refuses to see that there were problems there as well - his father was an alcoholic, his mother dependent, unconfirmed allegations of abuse of his sister by father - and 100% of the children produced from that marriage have engaged in cheating on their partners. Yep, model family. But he sees none of that, only the "love" his parents shared. No doubt they did, it is just that I am sure they had difficulties which he was unaware.
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It sounds like the days are getting a little easier for you... just watch out for those rogue waves, they come slap me upside the head every now and again. I think we are both making progress though, maybe not "perfect" (like those dang fictional characters!!) but maybe "good enough"!!
Thank you. Those rogue waves still hit with full force at the oddest times. It has been over a month now since I have heard from xSO. I am finally not checking the phone in the middle of the night to see if he called. My pendulum swings all of the time - contact him, not contact him. The truth is, I want him to contact me because that at least shows me that he remembers I am still here. The other half of me thinks that someone needs to wave a white flag or we are never going to get past this.
If I had to guess, though, I think life is going exactly the way he wants it to go. He finally has that GF in close proximity. She has kids, so he is no longer the odd man out in his group of friends and he has increased his participation in work activities. Right now I don't even think the WHO matters, it is all the trappings of the life he wants. Will it last? Who knows but it will take a very long time to play out, I believe. He may feel a pang every now and then for me, but I believe that his feelings died for me long ago. I was just the last to know.
That is the real reason that I have been able to stay no contact. If he is truly not coming back to me, I would prefer not to open that wound again because I know that the drama for me would begin all over again.
