A New Me 2

[jp787]

I have been thinking about my fears.

1. I am allowing my fear of something that hasn't happened run my thoughts, hence while I am worrying I am not working on me.

2. I understand that if I end up divorced and my W remarries I wont die, I get that. So that fear can be challenged. Then I am left with the hurt and pain. If this were to come to pass, I "fear" well no, I know that I would be in great pain, not physical, but emotional. How does one get through that?
Is that why I am to work on my self worth and esteem, so that if that were to happen it would not hurt so much? I mean I know I need to find my self worth and esteem regardless.

So I must fear hurt, pain emotional most.

"What is it about fear of failure and loss of control and insecurity that makes it so powerful?"

I think I fear what others think of me, just as I rely on others for my happiness, I fear that people wont like me or will not love me or I am unlovable. I fear being alone, why? Because I base my happiness on others. I don't like myself?
What if I was alone, what would happen? I would not die, yet I would be sad.

So right now I need someone else to love me, be with me to feel ok. Well that isn't entirely true either, I mean my mom loves me and lives close, but she doesn't fit my need. I have a friend or two, they don't fit that need. My W fits that need. My W mothered me to an extent, does that fill my void? getting what I missed from my mom?

Ugh this is so confusing...