I saw your post on my thread, but I thought I'd answer you here because I hogged up 3 whopping posts responding to the ugly head of al-anon.
Disclaimer for those not familiar w/my thread and sitch. NOTHING WRONG WITH AL-ANON!! NOTHING AT ALL!! I just don't feel it would be a good fit for me, and have discussed my feelings, at length, twice now lol, on my own thread.
You mentioned that your H changed his idea of how you two should handle your finances, and that this bothered you. I don't blame you at all! Also,
Quote:
He could not get it through his head that we as a couple should do what was right for US and not simply subscribe to how HE thinks this marriage utopia should look like.
My H does something similar to this as well. He seems to actually believe television portrayals of families. Thinks because we don't do X like such and such fictional family that means our family is deficient. "Not much of a family" is one of his lines.
Maybe this is their way of finding excuses, "reasons" to want to run from their current sitch. Kind of a "see, we don't have "it" like we're supposed to have "it" ".
You're right, the ow will indeed be under a lot of pressure to serve up a Stepford Wife picket fence lifestyle. As would your SO be under a lot of pressure to also deliver his bit, his role, in that fantasy. Back when I was still engaging with H, I would point out that while no, we didn't act like the wife/mom and kids on the tv, he also didn't act like the husband/dad. LOL, he would either ignore this observation or explain that "if only" me and the kids were up to snuff, then he too could be
It is amazing how fast time can fly, isn't it? You and I are coming up on 8 months here on DB...
It sounds like the days are getting a little easier for you... just watch out for those rogue waves, they come slap me upside the head every now and again. I think we are both making progress though, maybe not "perfect" (like those dang fictional characters!!) but maybe "good enough"!!
Take care!!
Me 46 H 56 M 22 yrs S22, D20, Twin Ss18
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow. What you stop. And what you reinforce. ~~~~~~~ A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
