Still treading water #4

[hotwheelsaust]

Grizz, I am really feeeling for you. I in turn and worrying about the refinancing the house and also feel that it will be one of 3 strikes before I am out.
1st strike Buying her out of the house
2nd strike Not moving back to the city when are country time is up (even if still separate, but for the kids)
3rd strike Divorce papers
To me these 3 things will add up to the end.

[uRworthy]

Have to respectfully disagree with you and hotwheels. It is over when you decide it it over.

I know of marriages restored when the house was sold, the spouses where in separate states and divorced. There is always hope.

G, what do you hope to accomplish when you give the silent treatment? Do you want to punish her? And is that a loving way to act?

Do you think that is going to make her realize and change her mind? That is a controlling act.

And are punishing and controlling what you want to show her? And are they getting you closer to your goal of being the best you?

Hard questions, those. I know. But answer them honestly. It might help you see the changes you really need to make.

[hotwheelsaust]

uRworthy, Maybe thinking about it better, three strikes and I will probably be completely detached but still love and care for her. Mind you tonight I found out she has just purchased a nice little puppy. Either she needs some good type of distraction or she is in a very comfortable relationship with the EA she lives with.
Sorry to hijack the thread.

[Grizz]

Don't worry about the hijack. I am grateful to learn anything I can.

I have had a really good day. Very good PMA. Even around W.

A side note for people that mind read (I am awful at this). Tonight W asked me if I had anything to do tomorrow. She said she had to go to her office and then meet a realtor. She needed to tell him what time. I told her that I had to go bet on the Derby tomorrow morning. I then said "I thought you were using (friend) as a realtor to help you find somewhere to move". She said that the realtor was for a client at work (nothing to do with her moving).

Stupid Grizz. Just keep your mouth shut. Mind reading is never good. Have to keep up with the PMA. Felt good today.

[Grizz]

For people who are interested in the Kentucky Derby, there is a horse running that is perfect for most of us here. He is the #9 horse and his name is overanalyze. Just seems very appropriate right now. Especially for me. Good luck to all who will be placing a wager today on the derby!

[uRworthy]

Silly Grizz, mouth moved before you had time to think, I guess. LOL!

Yep, mindreading never good. You are getting it though, sweetie.

I promise you, it gets easier.

Overanalyze - that's funny.

Enjoy and good luck!

[Fartiltre]

Hi Grizz

I have been reading through your threads for the last days and they break my heart. I do not have a lot of advice to give you and you do seem to get excellent advices.

Your story is tough. I have read stories in here that are worse but your story is so much like mine and that is what made it especially tough to read.

The reason I am writing you now is that I would very much like some advice from you, if you will help me!

If you have the time and you feel up to it then please read my thread. I know in your current situation that this is a lot to ask and I will totally understand if you choose not to.

As I read your thread you have done well! You have restrained yourself and your DBing is excellent but I also read doubt somewhere. Doubt about what to do, if you should have opened more, doubt about the impact of your GAL and so on. Doubt, confusion, hope and despair!

I am exactly at that point! I am not sure I am getting anywhere. DB and MWD tell us to look for the little signs but I am confused and I do not know what to look for anymore!
With your experience and the age of your sit perhaps you can guide me.

I somehow feel bad to ask you this, but if I don’t I will never have a chance to get your answer. I will fully understand and accept if you decline this request!

I wish you all the best!

[Grizz]

Fartiltre, thanks for reading my post. I don't mind at all to read yours and I will try to get to it tonight. I have trouble giving advice though seeing that my sitch is not in a good place. Actually it seems to now be on the fast track to D.

W is gone to look at an apartment right now and likely put down a deposit. She asked me before she left if I thought she should do a six month lease or a year. A year lease is cheaper. I said that I didn't want her to leave at all but if that was going to make her happy then that is what needed to be done. I then said, well maybe 6 months of separation may be just what we need.

W: it will all be over alot sooner than six months
Me: what
W: the D
Me: ok
W: do you think we are just going to get remarried after 6 months?
Me: I don't know what the future holds.

So, it's not looking very good for me. I am here with my girls and I should be just enjoying time with them but I am absolutely heartbroken. For them and for myself. My oldest will be an absolute basket case when we tell her. I honestly feel sick. I lost 20 pounds after BD (didnt need to). I have that same feeling now that I did then. I sure as he!! can't afford to lose anymore weight.

Anyway, thanks for checking in. Hopefully I didn't throw you into despair with this crap. I logged in to post this update anyway and read your message. Bad timing I guess.

I will read your sitch. I just need to take a deep breath for a bit. Hang in there. Sorry to be such a downer today especially to someone looking for help.

[uRworthy]

I am so sorry you are having a hard time of it. Tough stuff this. And you are right, no one knows what the future holds. It isnt over til you say it's over.

So, just a couple of things moving forward.

She asked me before she left if I thought she should do a six month lease or a year.

I think I would have just said that is your decision to make.

I said that I didn't want her to leave at all but if that was going to make her happy then that is what needed to be done. I then said, well maybe 6 months of separation may be just what we need.

She knows you dont want this, G. By saying 6 months separation may be just what we need, she feels you arent hearing her.

W: it will all be over alot sooner than six months
Me: what
W: the D
Me: ok
W: do you think we are just going to get remarried after 6 months?
Me: I don't know what the future holds. .

So that's why you got that ^^^^.

G, I know you are heartbroken.

I also know you are so sad for your children. It will be tough at first. But, if they see you are ok, then they will feel safe.

They are watching you. Show them how to handle life with strength and courage.

They will be ok, Grizz. They will. They have an amazing father.

[Grizz]

Thanks for the encouraging words. I need all of the encouragement that I can get right now.

W did put down a deposit on an apartment today and will be moving out around June 8th. Will file soon after that.

I haven't cried in a long time. I have cried three times today. Never in front of W though. I am a mess. She has hurt me so bad that I don't even want to be around her. However, I did not give her the silent treatment when she got home. I actually went to a buddies house for a bit then brought dinner home with surprise dessert for the girls and my W. We all ate together and the evening was pleasant. She went downstairs to the couch to sleep and that was the third time that I lost it for the day. I layed in bed and cried like a baby.

Tomorrow is a new day. I just don't see it getting any better until she moves out. Then i picture life being terrible for a while. Then as time goes on things will have to start getting better. I just hope that is sooner rather than later. June 8th will be hanging over my head for the next month. Every day is one step closer to her being gone. It's all so sad.