I am starting a new thread and it will be about me becoming the man I can be and who I want to be. I am so disappointed in myself right now. I really let me and a lot of you down who have been trying to help me move forward. I backslid big time by snooping. Snooping causes me to hate myself and yet I did anyways. What is wrong with me ??!! I found out that W could have definitely made it back to spend time with son Tuesday or Wed for sure, but chose to stay up there with OM and cook dinner, drink and sleep together. Those are her choices and it disappoints me greatly for my son. But as Urworthy has said I can't make her think like I do. I sent her a few texts and of course she hasn't replied. My anger came out that I had been suppressing. Here is what I sent and I am very disappointed in myself for it:
Me: You have a lost all my respect as a mother and as a person!! You are such a liar and I feel bad for son that he can't choose who his mother is
Me: Thank God I can choose who I get to be with, unfortunately he doesn't get that choice. Your world is about to be turned upside down. Get ready
Me: This poor girl is about to find out everything as well. Liars deserve to be outed. Good guy my ass! And you have good morals. Lol
Me: I want you to understand something. Everything that I am so upset about has Nothing to do with you and I. I have no desire what so ever to be with the person you are. I am so angry about how you are handling this for our son. You are not seeing what I'm seeing. You are CHOOSING to do what you want with the total disregard of his feelings. It has just sent me to a point of complete disappointment. I truly hope you figure out one day what makes you happy and what you want so you can be the best mother for him
Like I said. I am really disappointed in myself and feel like a complete loser. I tried to keep my emotions in check and I failed miserably. I don't think there is any recovering from this and I really don't think I can ever trust her anyways. I need to move on with my life and be the man I'm capable of
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
Cbt. Man I'm sorry I understand, really. Its like you loose control and out it comes. Well how did you find all of this out and can you trust that it is true? Next time come here first, post your text to the forum, get it out here! Breathe and try not to over think this right now.
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
Went to pick up overnight bag for son since we are going to my cousins tomorrow. Her moms laptop was on the coffee table and open. I went to go log on to my FB. Went I clicked facebook her profile came up already open. moment of wrakness i clicked on messages instead of just logging out and logging on to mine. Messages back and forth to a friend of OM said all I needed to see. I played it cool since her mom was sitting on the other couch. But when I left and was I'm my car I just lost it emotionally and sent what I did.
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
Well this isn't the end, find something else to fill your head. Thinking about W or what you said will only make you crazy. I wish I could hang with you tonight. Anyone you can do something with?
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
My son and I are about to eat dinner then we will play for awhile. I'm very much looking forward to that. I'm planning on ordering a move with BIL after son goes to sleep.
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
No one interaction is going to make much of a difference one way or the other. As long as OM is involved the relationship is going to be toxic *and there is nothing you can do*
All you can do is tread water and not make it worse, which is intensely painful. You need someone to talk to 24x7 who's going to be sympathetic -- do you have anyone in mind?
You need to take your focus completely off of her for several weeks. I would go for minimal contact, as minimal as possible.
Acc
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
Thanks Acc. That is the plan. I'm going to have minimal contact. Even when I go see my son over at her moms I'm going to take him to park or get yogurt or something and not stay there and play with him. My mom has become my go to person. And she had been great. Need to start using her more. Thanks again
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
W called to FaceTime son. He did not want to talk to her. She said, I don't want to upset him if he doesn't want to talk. She then asked to talk to me and said that she was going to come in town tomorrow for a few hours to see him. She began to ask me about the stuff I sent her and how do I know that. I said it doesn't matter how I know we don't need to discuss it right now. When I got off the phone I sent her the following text:
Me: Look there are a lot of things that obviously need to be said. But it will do neither one of us any good right now. I'm upset with myself because yes this could have waited till you got home. We will discuss this when you get done with show. Just text me about son tomorrow.
W: ok. Sounds good. Thanks
Ok Accuray. Do I discuss this stuff with her at all when she returns or do I just say there is nothing we really need to discuss at this time?
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
cbtdad, I know. I am in the same boat. But, we can't go back only forward. what is done is done. the anger is real and recognize it or it will show up someplace else(ie your health) But, don't hang onto it( I feel a little bit like a hypocrite- I'm dealing with same myself..) But the anger is poison and it does us no good. Know it, got to convince myself of it
M48 H50 M21 T26 S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old PA confirmed 7/2012 H separates 9/2012 H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
ohhh cbt... what are you doing? seems like we are all having a bad day huh? (((((HUGS)))) Sure would be nice if we could all hang out with eachother instead of the approaching & harmful tactics we place on our spouses.
This stuff sure is tough!
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
