Wow. That sitch degenerated rather quickly. That is so sad to read.
It is sad to hear that his mom is so involved. The threats about meeting you at the door with a gun concerns me, too. Threats of violence should not be taken lightly.
“Things turn out best for the people who make the best out of the way things turn out” ― Art Linkletter
Em, I would suggest at your earliest opportunity, to seek legal counsel and share what has happened. Best guess is he can not hold what might be your personal property (by law) from you. Also, those threats are far beyond acceptable.
I understand the two of you are from military families, I hope you don't think that this type of thing is acceptable.
For your own safety, it may be appropriate for you to go completely dark on him at this time and let the courts handle all things regarding the two of you, for now.
that was my plan to go dark, he swears he didnt mean it as a threat but right now i dont trust him.
He said he wanted his mom there for back up so it wouldnt be three against one, no where have i ever given him the reason to feel like this is going to be a battle. I've always wanted things to get better or finish as friendly as possible.
I'm just so sad that things have gone this way. I've lost my best friend and dont understand why he hates me so much.
H:25 M:25 T: 9 1/2 Yrs M: 5 Yrs
trouble in paradise: 1/18 Big D: 2/10 EA confirmed 3/11 H Leaves me: 3/30 Files: 4/8 Served: 4/15 OW Confirmed: 8/6 Divorce Final: ???
It sounds like your H has some serious issues going on inside him and they are just coming out focused on you. Our spouses are always the easiest ones to lash out at.
Reading back over the story it seems that there were some moments and events outside your M that triggered a lot of the issues.
I am hoping for the best for you.
“Things turn out best for the people who make the best out of the way things turn out” ― Art Linkletter
It sounds like your H has some serious issues going on inside him and they are just coming out focused on you. Our spouses are always the easiest ones to lash out at.
Reading back over the story it seems that there were some moments and events outside your M that triggered a lot of the issues.
I am hoping for the best for you.
it makes me feel a little bit more sane when someone outside of the situation sees what I do and then I know im not being over dramatic.
Im sad because I know he needs help but his family and the army wont do anything. He has made it clear he doesnt want any help from me.
I dont want a D but i think its for the best for now. Maybe someday he might come around but idk if i can trust him again or forget the pain he has caused me.
H:25 M:25 T: 9 1/2 Yrs M: 5 Yrs
trouble in paradise: 1/18 Big D: 2/10 EA confirmed 3/11 H Leaves me: 3/30 Files: 4/8 Served: 4/15 OW Confirmed: 8/6 Divorce Final: ???
i did contact him the other day to ask him to not throw some stuff away when he packs up my things, also to let him know about our family dog having to be put down. He was decent enough but nothing to get excited about.
H:25 M:25 T: 9 1/2 Yrs M: 5 Yrs
trouble in paradise: 1/18 Big D: 2/10 EA confirmed 3/11 H Leaves me: 3/30 Files: 4/8 Served: 4/15 OW Confirmed: 8/6 Divorce Final: ???
Met him at DD and his mother was with him, I asked to talk alone. He was pissed off the minute I walked in the door. I just asked him why he is so angry with me and why I'm the enemy.
Might I ask, what kind of response you expected from a leading question like that? Next time try the DB'ing approach, no matter how angry he is you meet his anger with love, contentment and happiness. That is what detachment is all about, your PMA is unaffected by his storm. If he walks in pissed off and you act happy to see him, that simple act will change the whole dynamic of the situation.
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He stood up and left, I followed him outside because I still wanted to ask about the cell phones.
Don't ever follow him/ pursue him. If he walks out, let him.
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I called him a coward and was talking to him through the window and his mom told me to get out of her car, sadly I lost it and told her to F off.
These kind of actions only serve to reinforce to the WAS that they were right in leaving. You've got to do a 180 on this. No more name-calling and no more disrepecting his family, especially in front of him. I doubt this outburst made you feel any better, maybe it felt good at the time but looking back I doubt you're pleased with it. Learn from it, try and remember how damaging it was and hopefully that'll keep you from doing it again.
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I'm not proud of what happened but I hit my limit, I just want to know why he is doing this.
Every LBS wants answers. But there are none. He is not going to tell you "why" because he doesn't know himself. He's confused and in turmoil even though he may not show it.
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There is definitely something wrong, he is so angry
You need to understand- this is normal. Most WAS's get very angry towards the LBS. It's a defense mechanism. Because they are confused about their choice to end things, they treat the LBS with anger and disrespect to bait the LBS into doing the same to them. And when the LBS does, then they use that as verification that they were right in leaving. This is why DB'ing says to detach from them and work on yourself, to get out, GAL, develop PMA, show them nothing but happiness, contentment and respect. Because when their storm slams up against your calm, then they start asking THEMSELVES why they are so angry. They start questioning whether they might actually be wrong about you, wrong about leaving. And that is what they need to do before they'll think about returning.
