I am a NICE shark, not a mindless eating machine.

[Underdog]

Anchor, Chum, Kitti and anyone else who lurks in my ocean,

Well, this is a GO ME! day! I had to bring a fish friend to the meeting today.... so please welcome Mr. Wonderful. Do we really need to welcome him? After all, he IS an enemy in our camp... how about we just acknowledge that he showed up?

I'm still fish sober. After last night's post, I was very tempted to eat some fish, but I invoked the Underdog Overnight Rule. And guess what? I felt like addressing this with him this morning. So after I dropped D9 off at school, I plugged in my earphone to the cell and called the new office of Mr. Wonderful.

He picked up (thank goodness--I was not thrilled about leaving a message for him to call me back). I asked him if he had 5 minutes to discuss important R stuff. He said yes.

I started the convo by first thanking him for picking up the house yesterday morning and making my bed. He snickered and said, "Well, after having your sick cousin here a week (who has bronchitis, BTW, and is at my mom's house being nursed back into health) and crap strewn all over, I figured that you would appreciate coming home to some order."

I said, "Yes, I do appreciate it very much. I do notice these things, and although I gave credit to D9, she told me she hadn't done a thing. Then I knew it was you. And I want to begin this convo by telling you that I very much appreciate your efforts to make me happy."

MW: "You're welcome."

I told him that the next part of our convo was going to be along the lines of what our MC taught us, and I was going first. Only I didn't just ask questions. He promised to listen only.

I said, "K, I realized when we were talking yesterday that you told me about the bowling tournament directly after you broke the news about the move."

MW: (Soberly and seemingly apologetic) I know. I'm really sorry about that, Bets. I knew I had done that and I apologize for it."

I proceeded... "I would have much rather you broken the big news to me in person. But since that did not happen, would you please make a point of separating conversations where you know there is a big message that will drown anything else you might say? I'm a little unhappy that I was caught off guard by that method."

MW: (Again, somber) "I know. I agree that how I did that stunk."

I said, "and as long as we're on this subject, I also figured out 2 weeks ago that you have been trying to tell me about the move, but for whatever reason, kept chickening out. K, can you remember the last time I got angry with you for decisions that you have made?"

MW: "Um, no. You've been really great about that for a really long time now." I'm glad you admitted this! GO ME!

Me: "Well, I would like to ask you to stop anticipating what I might be feeling and please be honest with me. I know you've told me in the past that you are afraid of hurting me (how I expressed that hurt really bothered him). But you are not responsible for my feelings, nor am I responsible for yours."

MW: "I know, you're right."

Me: "And I want to tell you that I'm not mad about your moving. I appreciate the fact that you want a bigger space. I know D9 has been a little unhappy with the living arrangements over there, and I want to thank you for trying to accommodate everybody's feelings. Nobody said you need to be uncomfortable while you sort things out."

MW: (I think a little stunned) "Bets, I wanted to tell you about this earlier. You're right. The guy who lives above me is really noisy and annoying. Plus he smokes and flicks his cigarette butts over the balcony, landing on mine and I'm sick of cleaning them up. I've asked him a few times not to do that, and he just grunts at me.

Plus this new place is sunnier, bigger and it came available at a price that is only a little more than what I'm paying right now."

Me: "K, it's fine, really. Time to signal the end of this convo for me. Is there anything else I need to know about this?"

MW: "No, not really. But I do want to tell you that nothing has really changed. I'm still trying to figure stuff out."

Me: "Thanks."

Then I had to start another convo about the golf tournament and how we need to get hopping. He agreed to call me later this morning to get some information so he can get moving. I told him how things had to happen (and fast), why it was so and what this means for both of us.

Since I've done the tournament for the past 4 years, I'm having to train my fish friend. I really DON'T want to organize this anymore, so I don't mind spending some time teaching him how to plan this thing.

Yes, I will make chicken casserole and meat loaf (and divide the casserole in half because it makes a lot), cheesy potato casserole and spinach/strawberry salad with poppy seed dressing. I really DO miss cooking for him. The girls don't appreciate anything that isn't in the family of mac & cheese...

And I will have it all wrapped up and ready to go when he drops the girls off before his blasted bowling tournament.

I guess he'll be drinking bloody mary's? Pamela, they start at around 9 am (and it's up in Loveland) and then eliminate players like they do on TV. I don't know when he's scheduled to start, but I gather on the early side.

Back when we were dating, he used to make some decent "date money" for us by entering them...

OK, a flying road trip? Where? Mall of America?

Bruce