It's hard to see that in oneself, for sure. But one we are aware of it....and then work to change it, then we grow as a person.
I strongly suggest you not initiate any sort of contact with your WAW. She has made it very plain that she wanted you to leave her alone. Pursuit doesn't work when a W is in an A. It's not fighting for the M, as some men tend to think of pursuing as fighting for her.
No contact seems to be one of the hardest patterns for the LBS to break. One reason is (besides the heartbreak)is probably b/c of the threat of D looming and you are afraid you won't be able to talk her out of it. As you said, you are concerned you will run out of time.
Sadly, I don't believe I've read any where any LBH "talked" his WAW, who was in an A, out of doing what she wanted to do. Other things may add to her decision to stay in the M, but she doesn't do it based on what he's said to her. Some men try to apply pressure of one sort or another, and there have been a few women who would succumb to it, but would eventually leave or would want to leave thereafter. He has to make changes! She has to see those changes and believe M with him would be better.
Now you probably wonder how she will see changes if there is no contact. She will begin to hear, as word gets around, how great you look and how happy you seem to be. Even if she tells them she is really happy for you......don't believe it. The more she hears about how great you're doing and how people can't get over how different you are.....it will get her curiosity stirred. Heck, just ending contacts will make her wonder!
She'll find some crazy excuse to call you.....or run by your place (to see for her own eyes)if you truly are doing so wonderful. That's when you'll be tested. Then she'll begin doing it more. But, I'm getting ahead of things. First things first.
One of the biggest mistakes a LBH makes is when the WAW is in that stage of showing the tiniest bit of friendliness. He thinks that is progress (which it can be), however, he doesn't hold out long enough once he has her pursuing after him. A WAW, who has been in an A, has to "work" to get her H back. That work begins with her ending all contact with OM, But that is only step one for her.
Once you have gotten serious about making those changes.....and realize it has to be a lifetime of never ending progress toward making sure you keep those changes, then I believe you will have other vets to come encourage you as to what to expect.
In the meantime, think about personal daily goals for yourself (regarding these changes). Write them down where you can refer to them quickly every day. You will have daily opportunities to apply those goals. At work, in a store, with your children, friends, relatives, strangers, on & on. Stay on your toes. Think of it as, "Here's my chance to grow", and see how differently you can handle things.
I, for one, will want to hear your daily updates.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
