Saturday was ok day because I was busy coaching son. Sunday she volunteered all day. Yeah not giving up just frustrated. Been here so many times it gets comical
Not much change. Still detaching a little. Increased GAL. Focusing on kids. In a better position to handle the withdraw. Building a cool tree fort for my son. Little frustrated we are at this point again. Doesn't add up that a comment I made triggered some emotions and to be completely cold again. It is what it is. My wife is very passive/aggressive and expects me to mindread and guess. It is quite hard to deal with at times. Still receiving EE support and ACOA support. Busy coaching S's team. At night I either GAL or goto Home Depot to get supplies. Took a boating class on Saturday. Something that always interested me.
One piece of advice I can give anyone standing in the doorway of piecing is to increase GAL during piecing phases. My sitch is tough because I truly believe my W has a mood disorder which I either deal with or move on. My W is ACOA too but she chooses to not deal with her issues because she doesn't "like" counselors.
Either way I still have some work to do on myself. I've learned alot about this stuff last time around and certainly will not fall into the trap again. I do know this I am not going to allow 6 months of sexless silent treatment again.
Bond question for you on detachment. I understand completely what it is. I've read books on it and I know it is a daily practice. Do you have any ideas on how to better handle my situation. I struggle with detaching somedays living under the same roof and we have a vacation home. Do I pretend or fake that there are no issues and continue to plan family vacations like there is no issues and just detach while at vaca house. I mean before she start to withdraw we joined a boat club next to our home. I find it difficult to balance life as a family together while she is disconnected. I mean am I at complete ground zero of DB again. Zero contact or dim as I can be. It is all so confusing when the bottom falls out a little after the 4 months of good.
I am in a much better place. I remember last time I was txting relatives my sitch and getting caught etc. This time my phone still wide open and no W bashing. No signs of her evenly remotely snapping out of fog again.
"Zero contact or dim as I can be. It is all so confusing when the bottom falls out a little after the 4 months of good."
This is the problem with thinking you're in Piecing too soon. Many will tell you that it's natural to go through several "false starts". The problem is basically because she hasn't owned up to why she did what she did in the first place. She continued to blame shift her "pain" onto external factors when the problem really is within her.
You went through the "honeymoon phase" of Piecing where FEELINGS are high, but then eventually that high goes away. It's the same way that affairs work.
What you need to do is to go back to not thinking about what is going to make her happy. Even vacations. Give her the option to go. If she doesn't, then take the kids on your own. Just REALLY enjoy life right now and do the things you want to do. You don't have to talk to her if you don't want to. Only if you want to. You can wish her 'good morning' and then go on your way.
ONe thing you could try is to tell her that you understand that she's going through things and that you are there if she wants to talk. Then kiss her on the forehead and go on your own merry way. You can share your day with her and if she doesn't respond, it doesn't matter. You have to get to the point where her silence isn't taken with expectations.
If she wants to be a p*ssy b*tch, then that's up to her. You choose to be happy.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Thx for this response. This is what I'm striving to do. I stay much busier then before. This is a good post and made a lot of sense to me. I don't think a kiss on forehead and that statement would go over well with my w personality. But detached who cares lol. So strange how somedays I feel completely detached . I am a good guy and will no longer defend myself and will no longer take blame for my wife's emotions or how she feels . Those are my mantras and/or campaign statements.
I also will let her know in time that working on a marriage doesn't entail brushing things under the rug and waiting for me to make a mistake . Marriage takes timely effective communication with conflict tools. We are both in conflict avoidance mode and we are both ACOA . I continue to do my work daily . She rather blame me and do zero.
I can tell you this I know I would make OW happy if it came to that .ive learned so much from all of this . My next R will be transparent , honest,with good communication
No problem. What you have to do is to have HER work on pursuing you for a bit. Do the two of you go out with mutual friends together? Maybe she needs to see you interact with other women for a change. Sometimes it takes something like that for a person to realize what they have in front of them.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
