New to this ...

[steveh27]

Well today is my birthday. Going to be a tough one. W looked at me this morning and said Happy Birthday, I'm sorry its couldnt be under better circumstances. I breathed and caught my emotions and calmly said ... it is what it is right now, I'm sorry too and I know it's hard. I was ok until around lunch I got a text asking what I wanted to do about dinner tonight since the kids would want to celebrate my birthday. I didnt answer right away - trying to DB - and she called about 1/2 hour later. She asked what I thought about her going to dinner tomorrow night with her twin sister, who is also going through a separation. I said not a problem because she's had a strained relationship with her because of the way her sister is handling her family and her infidelity problems during their situation. Well then a bomb dropped ... she said "well one more thing" ... and she said this like she was asking my advice. She said "tonight my sister also wanted to go up to a nightclub to watch a country singer we both like. are you alright with that?". Now this nightclub has a serious reputation for a middle-aged pickup joint. We both have never been ones to ever go out and do this. In fact she has always said she prided herself on never stepping foot in that place. I couldn't say anything for about 10-15 seconds. And then I said ... I have changed this about me and I would never tell you not to go, but I have serious reservations because of the dangerous territory this could lead considering our situation. I know she is in a weird place right now, so it scares me. On top of that, we were supposed to go to dinner as a family, and that really got to me. She said towards the end we should still do dinner but lets go earlier so that may give me a chance to go if i decide. Which i know she will go anyway, she was trying to downplay it i believe. Part of the hard part of DB'ing I guess and my 180 to not control. My issue is allowing my feelings to be part of the conversation.