Crazy little thing called MLC

[Raine]

snodderly thanks so much. I read your posts to me and to others over and over. As much as we may know what we need to do, actually being able to do it is a very different matter. Having your voice for patience, don't get ahead of yourself, and focusing on what matters and what you can control has kept me from falling off onto a path of regrets.

The kids are doing really well. I'm spoiling the baby to bits, but I don't care. He is my last and I don't want to waste a moment. He looks just like H. I feel bad for H he is missing out on so much. H has stepped up his involvement with the kids, especially S8, taking him out an extra night. They clamor for his attention. S6 told me the other day he was sad daddy left again. He thought he would be here forever now we had the baby. H communication with the kids is crap, but I don't expect it to be very good. I feel the kids for the most part are very secure and happy. S2 probably had the hardest time adjusting, as H did everything for him and played with him for two weeks. I'm excited for nicer weather and being able to be outside more with them. As much as I am enjoying this time, I'm also looking forward to the time the boys are old enough I can just pick up and go. I think about taking the boys off roading and camping, even if I'm single.

I think these two weeks at home and leaving again must have had a pretty big impact on H. It's puzzling to me that he would drop all the OW. Gotta be very confusing for them. He blames it on being messed up in the head and just very busy with work and kids. I know he has an incredible amount of free time, so just excuses. I don't know if our few conversations impacted him. I do feel that he is closer to me now than he has been since BD. He does feel I'm forgiving. He hasn't given his landlord notice either, so me saying D if he moves into his own place may have changed that. I told him that would solidify that he just wants to be single.

rH I totally agree with you about there is no chance for me and H until he works on himself. I don't think he is capable of a R with anyone right now, and likely that is also a catalyst for dropping the OW. Im sure all of them wanted more than just a physical encounter 1-2 times a week, and were pushing things in that direction.

I have felt and from advice given here that I can't let H come home until he starts to work on himself on his own. He has dropped hints about it, more in the ways of "you don't want me to move back," and I've typically said things along the lines of I'm not going to compete with anyone or anything. I'm not a doormat so I can't bend on what I want. But he also knows I am here for him. He doesn't feel like he deserves that. He doesn't feel like he has the right to rely on me for anything.

He has done this before, dropped contact with OW1, but that was because I asked him to. I do think it's major he has done this on his own. He may cycle back to them, but likely less chance. I kind of feel he got what he wanted from it and he isn't getting much in terms of wanting to be with them as friends/people. At some point, even for a man, even for a man in crisis, there must be a longing for something more than just sex. And they can't compete with the person who he says knows him so fully and gets him. And he thinks he knows me and gets me better than I do him.