If I would have made true changes last time. I wouldn't be here now.
I believe that's what Advina is encouraging you to do now. You have to become a changed person before your WAW will think things would be different if she went back to you.
Your words are not working on her. The actions you've taken have not had a positive influence. You say you see where you mess up....and yet you turn around and repeat the same action. When you keep repeating the same action expecting a different outcome....well, it's not very logical, is it? I know, b/c I've done it in my own life. It's crazy!
Yes, every situation is different. It's different b/c your stitch is personal. But your story is one that we've read many times here on the board.
In times past, I've played the victim. You seem determine to continue portraying the victim to her, mutual friends (especially those who will tell her) and her family. You want them to feel sorry for you, and you want them to take your side of things.....and think the worst of her. It's part of the control factor in you. And sometimes, you have to tear down the other person in order to make yourself look better. Sadly, I've been guilty of that behavior, too. However, it is a changeable behavior, and the outcome can be pretty incredible b/c your character is the true result. Remember, that's what is really on the line when you're tempted to react in that manner.
You tell her you really care for her (and even throw in the words "as a friend"....as if that gives you some lead-way), but you are more concerned about how this affects you than you care about anything else. Listen, it takes one to know one....and I see it loud & clear in your posts. Take a fools advice (who finally got it), it gets you nowhere! You don't come out a winner. Stop the controlling ways b/c that makes "you" the real loser, not just in a MR but with anyone. That's why you get so angry at her, b/c you aren't controlling what she's doing. So what if you are a fixer? Aren't most men? But don't confuse fixer with controller.
Want to blame DBing for her not to returning when she first left? Nothing new in the blaming department. Are you like that with everyone & everything? I'm betting you are. It's always the fault of somebody or something else. Saying that, "sure you have your faults", hardly sounds repentant to the one who suffers at the hand of those faults.
Take responsibility for your bad behavior and do something to change to a much better man, in order to have a chance for a brighter future. You could probably be a wonderful H if you get help in overcoming those bad areas that ruin your R with others.
You may not see this as marriage advice or how to bust a divorce, but I assure you, it has to start in you....if you really want to make a difference. Otherwise, you may end up as a bitter & lonely old man. That wouldn't be a good way to live.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
