Carry On

[labug]

Just realized I have some resentments bubbling under the surface...

[labug]

This is what happens when you go with what's happening and don't try to shut down your emotions. Stuff happens in your head, things shift and change.

Instead of peeling layers, I'm now going to go with cracks where the light gets in. Cracks in that hard exterior I had developed, cracks in the walls, cracks in my false self. Don't rush to patch those up too quickly, the light might not get in.

Again, from a favorite Leonard Cohen lyric:

There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in.

[bustingout]

I'm now going to go with cracks where the light gets in. Cracks in that hard exterior I had developed, cracks in the walls, cracks in my false self. Don't rush to patch those up too quickly, the light might not get in.

Bug you are such an inspiration and pool of knowledge and wisdom. I learn so much from you...you challenge me to think and grow and be true to myself and this journey.

I want to go on a retreat at your place!

[subguy]

This is what happens when you go with what's happening and don't try to shut down your emotions. Stuff happens in your head, things shift and change.

Instead of peeling layers, I'm now going to go with cracks where the light gets in. Cracks in that hard exterior I had developed, cracks in the walls, cracks in my false self. Don't rush to patch those up too quickly, the light might not get in.

Again, from a favorite Leonard Cohen lyric:

There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in.

I'll say it again your husband is a fool to leave you. We should not expect ourselves to be perfect in this thing called life, we fail all the time. I do however want to work on me, forgive myself when I do fail and find someone who has the same mindset... Your a gem bug, don't sweat the small stuff to much.

[labug]

Thanks, busting and subguy. I takes everyone who writes here to build this great community from which we all can learn.

Subguy, my H has his reasons and for him they're good ones. Accepting that has been difficult and I still have those moments of wanting to change his mind but the growth comes with accepting what is. Thanks for your support and kind words. They mean a lot.

[2thepoint]

Hi Bugsy! Any camping trips in your future? Ever been to Chiricahua National Monument? That is a place I'd like to visit sometime.

[uRworthy]

L, I think resentments start to come to the surface when we are really doing the work.

You begin to see things more and more clearly and you move closer towards real acceptance of what is.

It is a scary thing sometimes to allow yourself to knock down the walls and let your real self come through, isnt it?

But oh, the rewards when you do.

You are special, L.

[needgrace]

hi bug,

your post about cracks reminded me of the rumi quote about the wound being where the light enters.

i struggle with resentments... underneath mine are usually feelings of fear about myself not being loveable, not being good enough, or about being alone, etc..

my new mantra is that everyone does the best they can at the moment..

it helps me forgive myself as well.

and yes, bug, you are very special. love how you continue to open up and stretch yourself. it helps me stretch too.

[labug]

2, camping is still on my mind. Have to just DoIt! This is the perfect time of year here, warm days, cool evenings. I've camped in the Chiracahuas many times. A great place for a weekend getaway from here. There is a nice little place on the other side of those mtns that's more secluded that I'd like to try but it takes a little longer to get there.

This weekend retreat will be similar to camping...a basic room in a place that's set in the middle of 92 beautiful acres with walking paths and a pond. I'm ready!

Thanks for stopping by.

[labug]

uR, my life in the recent past was based in resentment, I just didn't realize it.

Yesterday it was about how I had been the one to do all those things in response to S20's needs at the time. I have to face the fact that I chose to do that, I chose to give my H a pass. And in the future, I need to be more attentive to my needs and express those clearly without judgment.

How is your life?