To more fully answer you, Charlie Brown, H views his gambling as a "business". His bankroll is his capital, and he views it as sacred toward the ends of achieving a career as a gambler. From what he has said, I think he envisions a future living at the casino and gambling for income at least 3 or 4 days a week. He wants to be able to earn his living this way - without a "day job".

He has asked me at what point I would be comfortable with him doing this. I told him we would have to have our home loan of $30,000 paid off and at least $10,000 in the bank. So far, not much progress has been made on those two fronts. I don't see any of his gambling money, because he wants to increase his bankroll so he can be comfortable moving to a higher minimum blackjack table (he plays $5 tables now). A couple times he has mentioned giving me some of his winnings. Once in the form of

"if I hadn't had a losing trip this weekend, I was going to give you some money for bills"

and more recently,

"I'm almost at the point where I would be comfortable giving you some money for bills".

I have no idea if/how "we" play into his future life in the casino - I don't ask.

H has always been tight with money... rather interesting set up for finances in our house. H has always made far more money than me - in fact for 14 years I was a SAHM. But I've always been the one in charge of bank accounts and bills. When he made more than our monthly bills, he'd give me exactly what the budget called for, and keep the rest. Now, he just direct deposits his entire paycheck into my account. The only problem with this arrangement, and I have to take at least 50% responsibility here (I see this NOW - it only took me 20 years, lol) is there is no "extra" built into the budget. So historically, if "something" came up and I needed extra one month, I'd have to rob Peter to pay Paul. This is of course a slippery slope and before long I'd have to go to H. This would result in a big blow up because his pocket, although sometimes fairly deep, was tightly closed.

H thought I should somehow "cut costs" but I'm really fairly frugal - not a coupon queen though I do use them. And I am not extravagant. H grouched not long ago "there's never any snack food in the house!" Well no, its too much $ for my budget!

I remember a couple years back when his mom gave him $5000 he told me

"And its mine. Only for me."

This isn't too unusual for couples I guess, there's even a term for it "financial infidelity". Although, H wouldn't lie about not having money when he did, he just would flat out refuse to give it to me. (Although, it WOULD NOT surprise me to learn he has a stash of oh IDK, $10,000 somewhere)

To play shrink, maybe he's always felt to much is taken/demanded from him? He's definitely not good at "sharing" things... nearly got violent with S20 when, at age 12, the boy ate one of H's sandwiches. SMH

Off for work!!

Accept responsibility for your life. Know that it is you who will get you where you want to go, no one else.” – Les Brown

Me 46 H 56
M 22 yrs
S22, D20, Twin Ss18

You teach people how to treat you by what you allow.
What you stop.
And what you reinforce.
~~~~~~~
A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.