First Post--2d troubled marriage

[2X Divorcee?]

rog...makes sense.

[MrBond]

Did you ever go back to re-read DR?

[2X Divorcee?]

Yep...read that back in Feb. Willing to review if there is a chapter I should focus on...??

[MrBond]

Not particularly, but you should be mindful to keep DB separate from the other books. You'll find they often conflict.

[2X Divorcee?]

Oh, understand. Will do. You'll see my earlier posts that I had to deal with conflicting info. I stuck with DB coach advise and DR advice. This book I'm getting sounds like its about me and what I do in relationships. I'll be sure not to try to apply anything to the current sitch. Like I said, I think this is important given several relationships that have gone bad for me. I think I attract "needy" women and feed into that (enable it) which seems to be a death spiral. I know with my STBXW I did all sorts of things for her when we were dating and after we got married...carried lunches/coffee to her at work, took care of her car, her yard, her pets, helped her financially, cooked meals, shipped boxes to her all the time while she was deployed...on and on. Times were good and I felt mostly appreciated, but now she seems to have forgotten all of that.

Right now, I'm resisting the temptation to call her and tell her her car is due for an oil change and the air filters at the house need to be changed too....I'm not going to do it...let her do it!!

[Cadet]

Right now, I'm resisting the temptation to call her and tell her her car is due for an oil change and the air filters at the house need to be changed too....I'm not going to do it...let her do it!!

EXACTLY!
Keep mouth shut!

[2X Divorcee?]

Just got a txt..."papers in the mail, I'm sorry but final 24 April...you will always matter to me....thank you for D b-day card". (I had send a card from me and my D to her D2(10) bday)

Yeah, that's what I want....to "matter" (sarcaasm intended).

Here forward, I will refer to XW...at least that saves me some keystrokes.

A little surprising though, I think I was ready for this. At least I assumed it would happen. In fact, as the days go by, I was starting to optimistically think she was stalling. Better to hear this today than tomorrow, I guess.

I'll schedule my next DB coach appt.

2x

[2X Divorcee?]

Just journaling...got out and did alot of GAL stuff this weekend...hiked to snorkel spot Saturday and deep sea fishing Sunday....eating fresh tuna tonight.

Still stinging from the loss mentioned above. Talking myself out of believing she's probably telling lies about me wrt the break-up to gain supporters. Does she have a boyfriend? Why did this happen? Will it happen again? Should I contact someone who knows her for a confidential chat? Who is encouraging her?

These questions take their turn to torment me in my sleep (or non-sleep). I have enough self-control to NOT act on any of it. Most present no-win situations for my PMA and for any hope of getting her back. I know it's just the pain of the break up working its way through me.

I'm not contacting her at all until my DB coach session later this week.

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[AnotherStander]

Just journaling...got out and did alot of GAL stuff this weekend...hiked to snorkel spot Saturday and deep sea fishing Sunday....eating fresh tuna tonight.

Awesome!

Still stinging from the loss mentioned above.

I think it's Cadet that says "D is just a piece of paper." It doesn't really change your sitch that much. It's up to you if you want to continue waiting or not.

Talking myself out of believing she's probably telling lies about me wrt the break-up to gain supporters. Does she have a boyfriend?

Just be the best you that you can be. Even if XW doesn't see it, everyone else will. If you concentrate on being the perfect you, then it doesn't matter what XW says about you. People will judge you based on what you do, not based on what XW says about you. This has been my attitude all along, and mutual friends and family are constantly telling me how crazy W is and how she's going to live to regret this, and they just hope that when she "comes to her senses" that it won't be too late. This despite my W having said some really nasty things to them about me. But all I showed them was calm confidence and I refused to be dragged into saying anything bad about W.

Why did this happen? Will it happen again?

Questions the LBS will never know the answers to. Heck, even the WAS doesn't know the answers. They're almost always motivated by emotions that they don't even understand.

Should I contact someone who knows her for a confidential chat? Who is encouraging her?

She probably has an enabler or two, that's pretty typical and is to be expected. Just understand that enablers are telling the WAS what they already want to hear, so they're not hurting your sitch. Yes it's annoying, but your XW is choosing them, not the other way around.

[2X Divorcee?]

thanks stander...needed to hear all of that.


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