It's nice that you're being so supportive but it is working against you. You need to lean out so she can lean in. Your reassurances are too much -- if you told her how you felt once and she's not deaf she heard you.
The visual I get reading this is that if I pulled you away from her in that conversation there would be claw marks on the floor!
You need to adopt more of a "friendly co-worker" standard. For a person like that, you would be polite and emotionally available up to a point, but beyond that you'd say "good luck, I hope you work that out" and then step back.
You're doing a lot of things really well, but your pursuing speeches are sabotaging your efforts.
Pull back. It does not make you heartless, in fact, you're being a good husband by giving her just what she wants: physical and emotional space.
The best thing you can do right now is to be LESS available emotionally. Limit how deep you will go. Don't get any depth into what you're thinking about, planning, or what you might do in the future beyond logistical facts.
Keep your cards close to the vest and make her wonder. If she sees that you are moving on with your life without her and that there may NOT be a place for her later as your wife that will help you.
If she wants to come back, GREAT, you'd be willing to talk about the conditions of her return. If not, GREAT you are going to be happy anyway and you wish her the best.
Either way, YOU are a prize to be won, not the consolation prize sitting on the shelf.
This is important -- if you don't believe, challenge
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
