Take the hits and keep moving forward.

[T1000]

The texting can get out of hand really quickly, glad I never responded now.

I think it's a great idea in principle. However the only things that I actually have the option to cut is:
- £120 I have left after all the bils are paid for the month. This is to cover food for me, food for the cats (her cats, yes blaming), food, diapers etc for the kids and other household consumables. That's £27 a week.
- My company car, she has always wanted me to drop the company car due to how much I get taxed on it. Yes it's an expensive tax but it's a saving in the long run. No car bills, no fuel bills.
Now I'm doing 350 miles a week just picking the kids up, that's the tax covered just on fuel.
No matter what angle I have tried she has never agreed with it and feel that is what she would expect to cut.

Not sure how she would feel about me seeing her finances.

I don't think I'm in the right emotional state of mind for such a conversation right now.
Theres so many things I want to say to her face right now that I couldn't take back.
I'm ashamed to admit it but I've just being screaming in the shower about how much I hate her right now I've lost my voice.

I'm more upset now about her and OM than I was about when she left and took the kids. Either I'm one very messed up person or it's because I was more in shock and just planned to get her and the kids back where this is something I know I cannot fix or get back ever.