M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
JP, I'm good considering my explosion last night. I rode my bike this morning then I killed the weights ...my adrenaline was still pumping.
Really the pain isn't as much as the first bomb but it's still pain. I'm just thinking through this and trying to decide my next course of action. I know one thing is definite that I won't continue with this M while my W cheats. That being said I can't put myself to file. IMO she should file.
There was some things she said yesterday that was positive. That she agreed what she's doing is wrong, she agreed she's not respecting herself,my kids and me. I told her "its starts with her, block he OM number do what she's got to do, but don't do it for me or anyone else do it for you".
So once again I ask" that we separate but she wouldn't so I ask her "how can I trust you? Because if we stay together I'm not putting up with your EA! She assure me that she will do it for her and she knows I don't trust her"
Anyway I'll let a few days here go by and see how I feel. Thanks for asking JP.
Newman
me40; W43 M18; T~20 D18; S13 & S3 bomb 5/9/11 EA busted 4/30/12; 9/4/12; 4/29/13; 6/10/13 same OM
Separated 4/1/14
"Even a flicker of light will shine through darkness-12/25/2012"....better days ahead.
My W wants to remain friends with the guy she had an EA with and I get it, they have been friends since childhood, but I said I can't live with her being his friend, just too risky.
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
AFAIK, my W's long distance online EA ended in early Jan'13 with a cease and desist email from OM's wife. Didn't really change anything for W and I though, still blames me for her misery and seems happy as a clam that the D is moving forward. Oh well.
Me42 W41 D10,D15 T25 M23 LYBNILWY 09/12 OEA 08/12(?)-ended? 01/13 Sep 01/13 I file 04/13 1rst D hearing 06/13 Currently in mediation
JP, I understand it all comes down to what we can handle...I for myself knows there's no way I will share my W and be abuse that way but thats just me. And I'm glad you're not just settling for that as well.
me40; W43 M18; T~20 D18; S13 & S3 bomb 5/9/11 EA busted 4/30/12; 9/4/12; 4/29/13; 6/10/13 same OM
Separated 4/1/14
"Even a flicker of light will shine through darkness-12/25/2012"....better days ahead.
Sandi, maybe I missed it on your thread but when you started, you already had a bit of turning point and recognized you need to stop communicating with OM. How did you find out about the boards? How did your H find out about OM? If its too personal I'm sorry and you don't have to answer...but I'm just looking for some understanding.
Thanks, Newman
me40; W43 M18; T~20 D18; S13 & S3 bomb 5/9/11 EA busted 4/30/12; 9/4/12; 4/29/13; 6/10/13 same OM
Separated 4/1/14
"Even a flicker of light will shine through darkness-12/25/2012"....better days ahead.
You told her that OM didn't even try to fight for her when you confronted him. She may need to see for herself that he doesn't really want her and that he's just in it for what he can get.
You and OM's W have applied pressure and it just caused your W to want to contact him more. Do you happen to know which one initiated the contact?
By her pleading and saying she needs help, may indicate that she now realize she's really in a pickle. I think it was good for her to see you standing firm and bringing into light how she canno have both you & OM, and that there cannot be any progress as long as she continues to have ant communication with him. An A has to end before anything else! It was very good that you did not let her get by referring to him as a friend. Hold her feet to the fire. The more she can get by through telling lies, the more she will do behind your back with OM. Call it by the right words and don't try to shine it up.
It may take a breakup before things turn around, but do not agree to just separating, like she suggested, b/c she would see it as you giving in. She would simply continue in the A. She needs to believe you will D her if she doesn't end the A. Let her wonder what you are thinking and what you may do.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
"You and OM's W have applied pressure and it just caused your W to want to contact him more. Do you happen to know which one initiated the contact? "
Not sure. It's actually been happening for weeks that's why I contacted OM w so maybe she can make it hard for him to call my W...I've notice these little stops she make before coming home for weeks now except last week. And last night I confirmed that those stops were communications with OM. That's why I think they tried to stop but back again this week or maybe like u said possible OM was out for the week.
I just had it, yesterday was 30 mins where she could've been home with the kids...only d18 watching her bros and she's got a lot of homework, s14 was hungry, s3 was watching tv by himself. Shoot that made me boil and I had to confront her. I hate to say this but my kids comes before DB if that move was not very DBing of me.
Thanks for your input...yes I'm standing firm because I really do want out if she continue this. She ask why we can't just do in house separation and i told her no, because I don't wanna know who she talks to, I don't wanna know who she sleeps with, I don't wanna know who she disrespect because of her selfish ways. I told her file for D and she's free to do all that when she doesn't have the kids...I don't want that OM near my kids. She can do anything when the kids are with me.
She said she will stop for her. But I'm not holding on to that. She wants me, I'm here she has to show me shes willing and I will work with her on rebuilding our M.
me40; W43 M18; T~20 D18; S13 & S3 bomb 5/9/11 EA busted 4/30/12; 9/4/12; 4/29/13; 6/10/13 same OM
Separated 4/1/14
"Even a flicker of light will shine through darkness-12/25/2012"....better days ahead.
This is why I am trying so hard to focus on me, as I think that is all there will be in the end. I don't see W giving up her "friend" and even if she did, idk how to trust that. I will never forget how amendment she was about there being on one and how much she lied over and over. Sorry to go on. Newman, man I wish there was an easy answer as this A stuff just suc4s. Try to get W and OM out of your head, it will drive you deep down a dark hole.
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
...my adrenaline was still pumping.