Her, for making crappy choices ??? ( or at least choices you wouldn't make)
Or yourself, for allowing more of the same behavior that YOU admit, got you here ???
Yea CB....
This is hard schidt. There is nothing easy about it.
I can tell you that if YOU don't decide to change the dynamics, then nobody else will in your life.
And nobody will teach your Son how to change that dynamic.
You can be the crappy Dad, who is all fun and games, with the depth of a deflated vinyl kiddie swimming pool. Teach him that it is all about what HE wants in life, and that he doesn't have to show any true character in his life. That he can be shallow and self-centered, and screw people over with just his words, and act as poorly with no ramifications what-so-ever, and still bitch and moan because life "just isn't fair"....
OR
You can stop all of this BS that you are doing, and decide to be a real role model for him.
Thank you JP! I need to just keep reminding myself of that. I know the right thing to do and yet I keep wanting to do the opposite! What the hell is wrong with me?!?!
Nothing at all I promise! I get it, I really do :-) I had to add minute by minute on my signature.
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
Mach1, I appreciate the support. No apology necessary. I need to hear it. I know everything you are saying is what I want. I want to be the best role model for my son. Something I obviously didn't have growing up. I knew coming into this show was going to be the hardest 10 or 11 days ive dealt with. I'm trying to keep busy and do things to take my mind off of it. Nights seem a lot easier when son and I are busy. Thanks for hitting me over the head! Seriously, I was just about to text W and apologize for underhanded comments and try to explain to her why I'm so upset. But why? She knows right? It's so really built up over the last 3 evenings. I've hardly got any sleep, son wakes me up 4 or 5 times a night crying saying, "I want momma" It's so hard to hear And deal with and not let it out. But Mach1, this is the type of patience and learning I need right?
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
It is easy to unleash the "Papa Bear" from within you. I have been there, and it isn't easy.
Papa Bear attacks, bottom line...
You hurt my kids ??
Papa Bear makes Honey Badger look like a wind up toy.....
The problem that I had, was that Papa Bear put me in situations that I wasn't ready to be put into, and using words I really didn't mean. Usually, at the worst possible time.
So I had to learn how to cage Papa Bear for the really big stuff, and keep him caged for the stuff that I knew that I could handle without him...
Once I learned the triggers for Papa Bear, I learned how to control him.
The hard part, for me, was learning the big stuff, from the small stuff.
I want to tell you something I learned in all this. Now I've got a hard head so it took some time. Mach, not a word - LOL!
I used to get real upset at my h. How could he not see what this was doing to our son? How can he move 5 hours away and not want to see him all the time? I just didnt get it. Now my son was alot older than yours. But they were close and it was just the 3 of us.
So, I would say things and text him things. Trying so hard to get it through his head that he was wrong. I would do it over and over again.
Until one day my therapist said to me -so how is that working for you? I said, well, it's like I am talking to a rock.
Yea, and?
Here's the thing. You cant make another person care in the way that you think they should. Doesnt mean you are right or wrong. It just makes it your opinion.
Everyone, including your w, has a right to act however they choose. You dont have to like it, but, you have to respect it.
It is your opinion that she should come and see him.
It is her right to decide if she should.
I get that you are frustrated and sad for your son.
But it is what is right now.
And you can either continue to fight with her on what you think you should do or you can do the very best you can for your son.
Your choice.
Trust me when I tell you that the spinning around and the trying to get her to see over and over again doesnt work..
All it gets you is dizzy, C.
You told her that your son cries for her. She heard it, right? No need to say it again.
It is now HER decision what to do about it.
As it is your decision on how to do right by your son.
He is watching you, C. I work with 3 and 4 year olds. They dont miss much.
You get to show him how to navigate through life's turmoils with either dingity and courage or anger and self righteousness,
Thank you for those words Urworthy! Wish I would have seen your post before responding to my wife. She did reply back finally and said, "I understand, you don't have to be an a$$ about it" My response: "I realize what I sent earlier was kinda harsh W. I apologize for it. But I am so exhausted and upset at this point. For the past 3 nights he wakes 4 or 5 times a night crying and saying "I want momma" It's wearing on me big time. I know you have been gone this long before, but that was in his familiar surroundings. I think this is just a lot tougher on him with everything else going on. I know you dot want to be away from him this long either and I'm not saying that. I just needed to get this out because it is building a lot of anger in me. The other stuff are your choices and your life and that's your decisions to make But I'm the one here with him and seeing the results of him not seeing you for this long. I truly hope you understand where I am coming from with this."
So now you can see I really wish I would have see your post before that. Lol I did try to respond without and "low blows" and to just get my point across about why I was upset. Oh well, I sent already. Anyways, Urworthy it's time to change my thought process. You are so right. I need realize that not only can I not control her doing things and I can't control how I want her to think as well. I will reread your post 5 times a day until she returns home. Thank you
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
