The reason I call it a fight is since Sunday it has been a battle inside my head.
Understood. I was just saying don't look at the sitch between you and your W as a fight. A lot of people do and unfortunately that can lead to some very anti-DB behavior.
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I thought that with her pretty much saying she's wants in and even though I'm struggling with recent events I thought spending time together might help. I think it says in DR something about generally spending time together to connect.
That's correct, but don't confuse that with asking her out on dates. You DO NOT want to ask a WAS out on dates, because that is pressure and pressure is bad. It's fine to invite her along on family outings IF you're already planning on going even if she doesn't. That's what DR is talking about.
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I am ultimately responsible for my actions and therefore my feelings. It's a fact if she hadn't slept with OM I wouldn't be feeling this way.
That's true, but that doesn't make her responsible. I saw a picture of a Koala on MSN today, it had lost it's habitat to logging and it sat for over an hour on the spot where it's trees used to be looking very confused. It made me feel terrible. Whose fault is it that I felt so bad? The Koala's? The guys cutting down trees they were told to remove? Their boss? The landowner for selling the trees? The point I'm making is your feelings are your own. You may feel some way due to something outside of your control, but that doesn't mean someone else is "responsible" for your feelings. Your W is not doing these things to make you feel bad. She's doing it because she feels it's what's right for her. That's probably why she kept it a secret, she didn't want to hurt anyone.
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If I steal a guys car and he is angry would I not be responsible for the way he feels at all?
No. All anger comes from pain. Each one of us is 100% responsible for our own anger, because while pain can be visited upon us by people or events, anger is completely our own decision.
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The last few times W and I spoke it was about her thinking we should start again. I told her I didn't know if I could get past her being with OM. I told her I wanted space and time to get my head straight. I don't understand how "Act "as if" you are moving on with your life with or without them" applies here.
First you have to decide whether you want to reconcile or not. If not, then you don't have to act "as if" you're moving on, because you are moving on. But if you do, then you have to act "as if" to attract her back.
