Weird scenario

[Papa4Life]

Hi, I haven't read much of your thread -- I just like to check out the advice that Stander dishes out because he knows of what he speaks!

I've got to agree with Stander and others who have responded here, you've GOT to detach and stop trying to reach out to her and control her. Begging, pleading, raging, cajolling, manipulating --NONE of that will work. Period. Ever break up with someone, only to have them call and text endlessly trying to get you to reconsider? How'd that make you feel? I've read posts by WAWs on this board, and the word I see pop up a lot is 'disgust'. Sad but true, telling her how lonely you are, crying in front of her, losing your temper -- they find all of it, well, disgusting. And weak. Now, on the other hand, have you ever broken up with someone only to see them turn around and start datimg again and improving their appearance, and pretty much leaving you as an after thought? How did that make you feel? Probably left you scratching your head, wondering what it was that made you want to leave them in the first place, right?

Look, if you're like I was (and probably just about every newbie on this board!) you're tthinking, "nobody understands how much pain I'm in. Nobody understands how much I'm willing to change to fix my M. And the things the vets are telling me don't apply because I know my w." Well, let me disabuse you of those notions. Everybody here knows what you're going through and while we don't know your W, we are very familiar with the WAW script. Trust us when we say, the sooner you stop pursuing, the sooner you turn your focus to working on YOU, rather than teying to fix things, the sooner you can get to work on what, in fact, is the only thing you can change: you.

I'm saying all this because I think you need a bit of a wakeup call. You remind me a LOT of myself early on in my sitch. I was so angry and hurt and lonely. A fact made even worse by the fact that I live on a different continent from my family and life-long friends. But I take it that you do have a support group around you? If so, I would take all of that negative energy and channel it into a productive, positive outlet. Start running, hang out with friends, work on a hobby, or do something else that will make you happy. You can do this. Practice patience. Work on your PMA. And maybe read about emotional abuse or see a therapist. It can only be a benefit, whether things work out with W or not.

So, what are the takeaways from this? 1. No more initiating contact with W. 2. Show W a person who is confident, together, with a fantastic PMA, no matter how you feel inside. 3. Work on GAL. Let your support group support you. 4. The next time you get the urge to send a text to W, promise us you'll come on these boards and let us talk you back from "the ledge".

Hang in there. It gets easier. You've just got to stop trying to force something that can't be forced. I'll drop by sometime and see how you're doing.